


High Stakes

by NanaBC



Series: High Stakes [1]
Category: Yu-Gi-Oh!
Genre: Card Games, M/M, Smut, everything i think about tagging ends up being a spoiler, uh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-27
Updated: 2014-08-12
Packaged: 2018-01-17 04:46:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 38,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1374385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NanaBC/pseuds/NanaBC
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Summary 1: Joey confessed, Kaiba has a proposition. Something strange is going on. Will you uncover the mystery before they can?</p><p>Summary 2: It starts out as your typical "Joey likes Kaiba, can Kaiba like him back?" story. Then there's an unexpected turn of events. How unexpected? Well, you'll just have to read it and see for yourself.</p><p>(I wrote two summaries because I have no idea how to summarize this story without giving anything up. They ended up saying basically the same thing, so… er… sorry!)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Let the game begin

**Author's Note:**

> I don't have a specific date for the story to happen; it's just after Duellist Kingdom. I've been posting this story elsewhere for a while now, so I'll just post the chapters I've written already. One per day, 'cause giving the whole thing away at once would be boring :) and I have like 17 chapters out by now, so it would be a long read, even if the chapters are short.

**High Stakes**

**1\. Let the game begin**

"Can you explain why you felt the need to come bother me in my own house?"

"Umm… well, you haven't gone to school in a while. Everyone is worried, and…"

"If you came here to lie to my face, you might as well leave."

"Okay. Okay.  _I_  was worried."

Seto Kaiba smirked disdainfully. "Right. Whatever. And I'm supposed to explain myself to you because…?"

"Well…" Joey Wheeler closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible. "If you weren't such a dick all the time maybe you'd realise that I like you. That's why I was worried."  _Hoo boy, I said it._

Kaiba examined the boy in front of him, feeling almost disgusted by the obvious lie. At least that's what he thought it was at first, but looking at something he took from his pocket, he was shocked to find out Joey wasn't lying.

The shock lasted for almost two seconds, and then he recomposed himself. "Go away. I'm too busy with work and I don't have time for things like school. Or… you."

Joey was surprised; that went better than he expected. Kaiba actually answered why he wasn't going to school, and they didn't fight to the death after his confession. He stood up and walked towards the door. "Well, thanks for seeing me anyway."

When he heard the front door closing, Kaiba rubbed his temples and returned to the project in his lab that was taking all of his time, not thinking once about the boy who had just confessed to him.

oOo

**_A week later_ **

The phone rang and Joey woke up with a jump. He ran to answer it before his father would wake up and bitch about it. "What."

"Come to my house."

"Kaiba? It's…" He glanced at the clock on the wall. "…one-thirty-six in the morning."

"If you want me to answer you for the other day, come now." The line went dead, and Joey just stood there, bamboozled. As soon as his brain started working again, he dashed to the bathroom to wash up and get ready, while reassuring himself that what just happened hadn't been a vivid dream or something.

On the way to Kaiba's house, he thought back to Duellist Kingdom, when his crush on the other first showed up and punched him in the face. He knew Kaiba was a prick, if the way he treated Yugi and grandpa was any indication, but he couldn't help being attracted by that jerkass side of his. It reminded him a little of who he used to be before he started hanging out with Yugi. And if they were even a tiny bit alike, Joey knew part of it was just a façade.

Well, and the fact that he was insanely hot also counted too.

He was in denial at first, insisting he had only eyes for that Mai chick who had showed up out of nowhere, with her big boobs and bad personality; that's what made her interesting to him in the first place (the bad personality, not the big boobs), but then he started having some weird dreams about Kaiba, and he'd wake up way too many times having to come up with an excuse to run to a secluded place and… take care of himself.

There was no way around it, between the girl and the boy, the one he was attracted to was definitely the boy. That part didn't really bother him when he stopped to think about it; what bothered him was that it couldn't have been any ordinary boy; it had to be that bastard Seto Kaiba.

Arriving at said bastard's house, he took a deep breath and rung the intercom.

oOo

They sat in the same meeting room from the previous time. Kaiba was wearing a red shirt. Red. That in itself was pretty weird already, considering Joey was used to seeing him only in dark, gloomy colours, but the fact that he had also chosen a red t-shirt before leaving his house that night made things feel even weirder than they should.

He cleared his throat, since Kaiba wasn't saying anything. "I like your taste in clothing."

"Can you say it again?"

"I like your taste in…"

Kaiba snorted. "Not that."

Joey blushed and stared at his hands. "Right. I… I like you."

"Are you in love with me?"

"Well… yeah."

"Are you sure of that?"

The third degree was starting to burn. "I came here, didn't I?"

"What, do you think it's easy to believe something like that?"

"Why wouldn't it be? You're super hot and smart; you probably have to beat people off you with a stick."

"I'm also a dick, remember? Having people wanting to fuck me is different than having someone liking me. And you, of all people. What's next, Yugi sucking at Duel Monsters? That pointy-haired friend of yours doing something useful?"

Joey coughed embarrassed and got up to sit closer to Kaiba. "I ain't bullshitting you. And I wouldn't put up with your assholery just because of your… good looks. I guess… despite you being a jerk and all, I kinda like your personality."  _I wonder what that says about myself._

Kaiba smiled amused, crossing his arms. "Gee, thanks. Are you going to compliment me some more or can I release the hounds yet?"

Joey smiled as well. "Sorry. But it's true, you know."

"And here I thought we had established a nice hate/hate relationship. Didn't I humiliate you in front of all your friends?"

"Eh… not really. It's not a humiliation losing to someone like you. You and Yugi are the best duellists I know."

"And what makes you think I would even consider?"

"Well… I know I'm just a Joey Wheeler, while you're  _the_  Seto Kaiba. But I'm not the type to just stand there and do nothing when there's something I want. I go after it, no matter what it is. You can consider that I got balls for starters."

Kaiba seriously looked like he was holding back laughter. "Yeah, that much was a given, seeing as you're not exactly a lady."

Joey's face matched his shirt. "Ehh… that came out real wrong. I uh, I meant to say that I got guts. Yeah, that's better."

Kaiba studied the boy in front of him and finally decided to say what had been on his mind. "Right… okay. I told you to come here because I would answer you. The truth is… I don't feel the same way."

Joey paled, unsure of what to say.

"But I do have a proposition. Would you like to hear it?"

"S-sure."  _What have I got to lose?_

"It's really simple. Make me fall in love with you."

"W-what?"

"You're not up for it? Or isn't it worth it?"

"No, I… this is… well, I wasn't expecting you'd say something like that, it's kinda out of the blue."

"Out of the blue? More than your confession? And that was  _not_  the best way to confess to someone, by the way. Though I did think about it for a week. Do you want a week to think about it too?"

"No, no. I don't need a week. I'll… I'll do it. I'll make you fall in love with me."

Kaiba rested his head on one hand, with his elbow on the table, displaying a Cheshire cat grin. "I can't wait."

Joey gulped, hoping his cluelessness wasn't showing too much.

"S-so, um… that Blue Eyes White Dragon, huh? It's like, pretty strong. And cool."

"I'm wasting my time, aren't I?"

"No! I can come up with something better. I know! What would  _you_  do if you had to get someone to like you?"

Kaiba threw his hands behind his head and yawned. "Nothing. Or be an asshole, apparently. I'm sure you're at least smart enough not to try that on me."

"I wouldn't even know where to begin."

Kaiba laughed, startling Joey with the unusual sound.

"Of course you wouldn't." He got up and opened the door. "I'm going to bed now. You can stay here for the night if you want to. It's late, and I wouldn't want my favourite suitor to be attacked by a villain or anything like that. All the rooms in the west wing of the first floor are unoccupied."

"Okay. Wait, what?" But Kaiba had left the room already.

TBC


	2. Make me fall in love with you, said the spider to the fly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will have about 20 chapters, by the way. Maybe just a little more, less than 30 though.

**2.** **_Make me fall in love with you,_ ** **said the spider to the fly**

Most days after school, Joey would go back to Kaiba's house and try whatever he thought it would help to make Kaiba interested in him. He tried to beat him in a duel, but that wasn't happening any time soon. He tried complimenting him, but Kaiba would only answer to his flatteries with a bored look that translated to, "Well, duh". He tried asking about Kaiba to the servants to try and get to know him better but… there weren't any servants. The mansion was fully automated. Kaiba said it was because he didn't trust anyone. The only people he occasionally saw besides Mokuba were that guy Roland and the… other guy. He wasn't sure what his name was.

_I'm gonna call him… Arnold._

They said they would try to help him as best as they could, but…

"How do I get Kaiba to like me?"

"Hmm… I don't think it's possible for Mr. Kaiba to like anyone except his brother."

"Yes. The only person Mr. Kaiba likes is Mr. Mokuba."

"Oh, but there's also the Blue Eyes."

"I know! Why don't you try dressing up as the Blue Eyes?"

They both laughed like that was the funniest joke in the book.

Joey rolled his eyes. "Great. Thanks, guys."  _How many times do I have to say I'm not a furry?_

It seemed like a lost battle, and Mokuba wouldn't stop mocking him for it, but he never gave up without a fight.

"Why are you doing something so pathetic, Joey? I thought you were smarter than that."

"Kid, you got your brother's big mouth, you know that? Besides, it was his idea."

"Thanks. And his idea or not, you're wasting your time."

"How do you know? I doubt anyone's ever tried (and survived) before."

"I just know my brother. He likes romance even less than he likes Yugi."

"Oh, then I'm in  _real_  trouble."

Mokuba laughed and excused himself. Joey knew he was probably right, but it couldn't hurt to try, could it?

He saw something small moving outside in the garden and decided to go check it out.

oOo

Mokuba knocked on the door to his brother's room and was asked to enter. He found him sitting on the windowsill with his laptop.

"Hey Seto. Roland left with the projects. Are you planning something else?"

"Yeah, but it'll take a while. Tell him that next time you see him."

"Okay. And… you're gonna tell me why you are doing this?"

"What, the thing with Wheeler? I was bored and thought it would be fun."

"I knew it would be something like that. So…"

"So what?"

"So why are you staring at him like that? You've been watching him ever since I got here. What is he doing anyway?"

From the window they could see Joey running around in the garden, apparently chasing after a small animal, possibly a mole. Shirtless. It was hot, after all.

"…Don't you have homework to do or something?"

"Oh, come on, big brother! Tell me—"

"Mokuba, you either leave right now or I'll start calling you 'Mokie' like when we were kids."

"Aahh no! Anything but that! Okay, okay. I'm leaving."

When the door closed, Kaiba immediately returned his attention to Joey.  _Stupid sexy idiot_.

oOo

Joey returned from his confrontation with the mole and lay on the couch, tired and again properly dressed. He had asked his friends for tips (about Kaiba, not the mole), but they were just as clueless as he was. Except Mai, who told him to wear revealing clothes and spray his cards with perfume. Right. That helped even less than Tristan. And Tristan's suggestion was to get himself committed to an insane asylum. He considered that one for a moment. He  _had_  to be crazy to be in love with Seto Kaiba.

He changed his position, sitting upside down on the couch now, and closed his eyes. Kaiba entered the room, silent as a cat and stared at Joey for a while. His t-shirt had slid, and bunched on his chest because of his position. Kaiba stared some more before making his presence known.

"Feeling pretty comfortable, are we?"

Joey fell on his head and sat up straight. "Oh, hey Kaiba. I thought you'd be working late again today. Since you gave me free rein over your kitchen and it's so hot today, I made some parfaits. I was gonna bring one to you but I couldn't find you. They're in the fridge if you want."

Without a word, Kaiba went to the refrigerator to retrieve a dessert, returned and sat across him in the living-room. It tasted better than the ones he got at his favourite restaurant. "It's delicious. Thanks."

Joey stared at the person in front of him and decided to stay quiet. If something had possessed Kaiba to make him compliment and say thanks, he wouldn't mess with it.

"Have you ever dated anyone before?"

 _Out of the blue_  seemed to be Kaiba's favourite modus operandi, and his questions were never easy to answer. It seemed like he went out of his way to make Joey uncomfortable.

"Er… not exactly. A girl blackmailed me into going out with her with some fake dirty pictures, but I caught her cheating on a test and that was the end of it."

"Did you two do anything?"

"Of course not! I want distance from that psycho."

"Because she's a psycho or because she's a she?"

"Because… because…" He mumbled something and Kaiba asked him to repeat. "Because she ain't you."

"Oh. Good answer." He continued eating while looking at Joey for most of the time. To his credit, Joey did his best to hold the burning stare as much as he could.

The whole thing felt weird. It was as if Kaiba was the one seducing him, licking the spoon and nibbling on the berries like that. He didn't remember Kaiba being that sexy before. He was hot, sure, but he never did sexy things.

"Don't drool on my couch. If you wanted some, you should ask."

"S-sorry. Didn't realise I was staring."

"So…" He raised an eyebrow. "…do you want some?"

Joey could hear alarms going out in his mind, warning him that couldn't possibly be the Kaiba he knew, he had probably been substituted by an alien when he wasn't looking; it was the invasion of the sexy body snatchers!

He held the spoon to Joey, probably willing it not to drip with his mental alien powers. Joey took it, but he couldn't taste anything. The idea of an indirect kiss numbed him for a moment, and he couldn't even remember his own name. When he gave the spoon back, he was red from head to toe.

Kaiba finished the dessert holding back a smile. He was starting to consider taking things a little further, but torturing Joey was way too fun. He got up and ran a finger next to Joey's lips, where some whipped cream lingered from the other's previous clumsiness, and took it to his mouth.

"Thanks for the treat."

He left before Joey could recover from this final torment.

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As far as I know, the guy who's always hanging around with Roland doesn't have a name in the English version, the poor thing. So I dubbed him Arnold. Get it? Roland… Arnold… Ignore me! Or you could always call them Gruber und Hans, I guess. Roland's name in the Japanese version is Isono, by the way, while the other guy is Fuguta.
> 
> One more thing: bare with me on the OOCness that's about to come, it'll soon make sense.
> 
> ~Alternate dialogue~
> 
> "Because she's a psycho or because she's a she?"
> 
> "Kaiba, if I didn't like psychos, I wouldn't be in love with you."
> 
> "…Touché."


	3. In which that one word is repeated a lot…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things start to happen~

**3\. In which that one word is repeated a lot…**

After the obviously successful experience with the parfait, Joey continued making desserts and any other food that he thought counted as sensual. He even read a book about it. Oysters, asparagus; even eggs were on the list. Kaiba would always eat everything he made innocently licking his lips and moaning discreetly. He could be the poster boy for the expression 'orgasmically delicious', if such expression existed.

One day Joey accidentally dropped a whole pan of sauce on himself while distracted by a Kaiba walking around in an open shirt. To his luck, he had just lit the fire a few minutes ago, so the sauce wasn't that hot yet. But he still needed a bath. Kaiba called him a useless idiot and even yelled a little about his kitchen floor being all sticky now, but the way he was looking at him after he took off his dirty shirt left him unsure as to whether Kaiba was hungry for the sauce or… Maybe he should drop food on himself more often.

Kaiba lent him some clothes and he took a shower, while happily singing a song about rabid wolverines in his underwear. The fact that he was completely off-key didn't bother him in the least. Kaiba passed by the door and listened to the crazy song, wondering if the weird lyrics were the only thing that was making him smile.

Later that night after dinner, Kaiba sat beside Joey on the couch, instead of across from him like he always did. He crossed his hands behind his head and put his feet on the centre table. "You're very naïve, aren't you?"

"Why do you say that?"

"Well, while I do appreciate the meals, I figured by now you'd be trying something else."

"W-what do you mean?"

"I mean… something more physical."

Joey could feel cold sweat running down his back. "Oh. I… I didn't think you'd let me."

"Why don't you try?"

And then Joey's head exploded. But not really. He couldn't move, he couldn't speak; he was wondering if he had been hit by a tranquilizing dart, when things started to fade around him.

The last thing he wondered before he passed out was since when was he that weak.

oOo

From somewhere far away, he could hear a voice telling him to get up slowly, or he would pass out again. Suddenly there was a glass of water in front of him, and somehow he was drinking from it.

"Wh…"

"It's okay, you don't have to push yourself." Joey felt an arm around him, and a hand lazily drawing circles on his back.

"Gah! Wh-what happened?"

"The only explanation I can think of is that you got way too excited by what I said. I didn't know I was that good."

"Huh. Me neither."

"Are you feeling better?"

"Yeah, I guess so."

"Good. But if you're going to pass out with every little innocent thing I say, then forget the whole deal. That's just… weird."

"No, no, I'm fine. Embarrassed out of my wits, but fine. And to prove…" He released himself from Kaiba's more-or-less embrace, looked him in the eye and kissed him.

On the cheek.

Kaiba was paralyzed, with a blank expression.

"Oh good. Now you're the one who's acting strange." That broke the spell, and Kaiba looked at him with a flabbergasted expression. There was no other way to describe it; he was flabbergasted.

"You—you— why did you do that?!"

"Wha—"

"I have no idea why you decided being all cute today, but that's taking it too far! Just for your information, I don't like cute."

"Cute? What the hell are you talking about?"

"Don't play dumb! A kiss on the cheek? Who does that?"

Joey's face reddened and he lowered his voice and his head. "I… well… I… you didn't like it?"

_If he starts twiddling his fingers like Hinata, I'll punch him._  "Look, just stop with the cute thing farce. You think you're sly as a fox, huh? A… a c-cute fox like Shippo or something."

"But… but… I don't understand. I ain't…" He started putting the tips of his index fingers together but Kaiba grunted and slapped his hands. "Wait. You watch anime?"

Kaiba covered his eyes with one hand, ignoring the question and trying to find a way to understand what was going on. Not finding one because he was just as lost, he took Joey's face in his hands and kissed him. On the lips, of course. His tongue searched for entrance, but didn't find it.

"Open your mouth."

"I-I-I don't remember how to do that."

"You're  _speaking_ , idiot."

"Oh yeah."

Joey's light-headedness didn't cause him to pass out this time. Committing this moment to memory was more important than any faulty reaction he might have. Kaiba's assault on his mouth tasted like chocolate truffles, their dessert that night. If he didn't remember that for the rest of his life, he'd never forgive himself. He felt his face heating up, but that wouldn't stop him. Kaiba had one hand on his face while the other messed with his hair. He wasn't sure what to do with his, so he just put them around him.

Minutes later when Kaiba stopped, Joey kept his eyes closed for a moment, mesmerized by such a mind-boggling first kiss, but opened them when Kaiba accused him of being cute again.

"Aren't you an ex-gang member? Ex-gang members aren't supposed to be cute!"

"How do you know about that? And I keep telling you that I am not cute! I have lots of fight scars and… and… my hair's… greasy! Yeah! Because I don't use hair conditioner!"

Kaiba tussled the hair he was touching just moments ago. "It's softer than mine."

"Okay, you got me. I do use hair conditioner, and a bunch of other stuff. But how do you expect me to keep—hey! Does… does that mean that I… did it? You…"

"Please, Wheeler. Be slower."

"Uhh…"

"If you're asking if I'm in love with you, the answer's still no." Before Joey could add 'disappointed' to his arsenal of ridiculously cute faces, he continued: "But keep trying. It's not like I'm disliking this."

To make his point, he kissed him again, following him when he started to sink in the couch. The deeper the kiss got, the further Joey disappeared. Kaiba stopped with an annoyed look that was close to become his default expression that day.

"Is the couch eating you? Is that what's happening? I didn't know my couch ate people."

"I… no! You… you know I like you… I don't know why, but since before I fainted, I've been feeling real shy for some reason."

"Something's not right here. I know for a fact that you didn't used to be cute before. Kind of hot, yeah, but not cute."

"Right back at you. Only substitute cute with… sexy."  _And kind of hot with freaking smoking hot. Bastard._

"Stay here. I wanna check on something."

"No, I'm coming with you."

"If you die, it's not my responsibility."

"Wh… what are going to do?!"

"Just… just stay here. I'll be right back."

"Don't say that! It's a jinx!"  _Doesn't he watch horror movies?_

"Oh, shut up."

Kaiba left the room and disappeared through a door Joey had never noticed before.

"Huh. Has that always been there?"

He tried the door knob, but it was locked. So he returned to the couch and sat, thinking about the past few minutes with a shit-eating grin on his face.

"Hehehe. We're kissing now."

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Joey's face: think Shuichi on the subway after Yuki kissed him for the first time in the Gravitation manga.
> 
>  
> 
> ~Omake~
> 
> Joey invited his friends to a party at the Kaiba mansion. Kaiba grabbed a piece of cake and sat on a corner.
> 
> Kaiba: *Munch munch* Hmmm this stuff is delicious! Hmm *licks lips* hmmm *nom nom nom* wow! *licks fingers* Ahhh~~
> 
> Duke stared with his mouth agape, while Joey brought him some soda.
> 
> Duke: I'll have what _he's_ having!


	4. And now for something completely different

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joey gets turned into a newt. He gets better.

**4\. And now for something completely different**

Joey felt cold hands covering his eyes. "Kaiba? What's going on? Where did you go?"

"Hush, Puppy."

_'Hush Puppy'? What the hell? Who the hell talks like this? I know he called me a mutt once, but that's taking it a little too far._  "Kaiba, are you feeling okay? Did you hit your head or something?"

Instead of answering, Kaiba kissed him, much more lewdly than before. But for some reason, Joey didn't feel the shyness he had felt previously. Not shyness this time; just an alarming uneasiness. And Kaiba tasted different. He knew there shouldn't be any reason for it, but he couldn't help feeling an inexplicable sense of dread.

"Umm… so, did you find anything?"

"Nope, nothing. Anyway, why don't we move to the bedroom?"

Okay, so maybe he would have to impose a limit on that out-of-the-blueness thing. "Eeeh!? B-but we just started—"

"Why waste time? Sooner or later we'll end up doing it anyway."

"Yeah, but… I don't know. Something is wrong. What's in there?" He motioned to the strange door.

"Irish elevator."

"Wha…? And why did you change clothes?"

"Puppy, Puppy, Puppy. You never shut up, do you?"

"What? Kaib—"

And then the world turned dark. Again.

oOo

"Wheeler, Wheeler. Are you returning to Oz? Doesn't matter, you'll always be a puppy to me."

"Wha… Kaiba?" No. Not exactly. The person in front of him looked just like Kaiba, albeit with different clothes than what he had on earlier that day. He was wearing a posh pinstripe suit without a tie, but it looked old and dirty, and even ripped on some places. He was also barefoot. But the weirdest thing about this Kaiba was his eyes. They looked a little… insane.

"I can't decide whether you should live or die…" The not-exactly-Kaiba did a little dance around him.

"Wh-what are you saying…?" Joey tried to move but found his limbs were heavy as lead, and he was pretty sure it wasn't some random bout of cowardice this time. He could smell something that reminded him of chloroform.

"Oh, you'll probably go to heaven… please don't hang your head and cry."

"Who are you? Why do you look like Kaiba?"

"What do you prefer, to be thrown in a lake or to eat poisoned birthday cake?"

"HEL—"

The insane Kaiba covered Joey's lips with his own to conceal the scream, while closing both hands around his neck.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you. Or did you think I was joking just then? If you value your life then shut the hell up. Didn't you say you loved me?"

"You… you ain't him!"

"No. I'm an evil clone."

"R-really?"

"Hmm… no. I'm his evil twin. How about that? No, I got it! I am the embodiment of his cravings and desires… hmmm, yeah, let's go with that one."

"What? What do you want? Where's Kaiba?"

"I killed him."

All blood drained from Joey's face.

"Just kidding. He's probably just passed out. I can't really kill him right now. As for what I want… how about some… fun?"

Joey was speechless. Was he really at the mercy of that… that thing?

"What if I don't want to?"

"Well, puppy-eyes. I said I can't kill the Nice Me, but I can hurt him."

Joey closed his eyes and gulped. "Don't… don't you do anything to him. What… do you have in mind?"

"Well, I was thinking we should start simple, some bondage and… toys. For you, of course. Then… we'll see."

Joey felt his whole body start trembling. This couldn't be happening. He had to get away from this situation somehow.

"I can't move."

"Well, I don't want you moving anyway. The effect will wear off in a few minutes. See how you woke up in a matter of seconds?" He pointed to a bottle with a clear liquid and a rag. "This mostly numbs your body… thought that doesn't mean you won't feel anything." He smiled sadistically. "But I think I'll tie you up right now. I know how feisty you are." He looked behind him and eyed the curtain cord. "Ah, this will be perfect."

While he busied himself trying to rip it off, Joey caught a glimpse of something moving on the other side of the room. Kaiba? Or maybe Mokuba? If it was Mokuba he should try to warn him to get out and get help. But how?

He managed to turn his neck a little and saw that it really was Kaiba, who made a shushing gesture and hid behind a column. Joey was washed with relief. He decided to call attention to himself, to help Kaiba avoid being seen by the crazy one.

"So er… where did you really come from, uh…  _yami_  Kaiba?"

"Yummy Kaiba? Why, thank you. I see you're more comfortable with me, that's good. I'll try to be gentle."

Joey sweat-dropped. "No, that ain't what I… never mind. What should I call you?"

Insane-Kaiba turned around with the cord on his hands and a demented grin on his face. "Call me… Master."

"Wh… seriously?"

"Is your hearing impaired?" He grabbed a switchblade from his pocket. "Let me fix that for you."

"No-no-no! Sorry, Master."

"That's better." He looked from the blade to the cord a couple of times. "Huh." He shrugged and put it back in his pocket. "And where did I come from? What do you think?" He began to tie Joey up.

"I don't know. Silent Hill? Hell? Space? The Shadow Realm?"  _Heh, yeah right._

"I guess… somewhere in-between. I slid here with the help of the Nice Me himself. Not that he knew this was going to happen."

"You  _slid_  here? What does that mean?"

"It means, you silly, silly puppy, that I came from another dimension. Oh, and you're dead there, by the way."

"I'm… I'm dead? Why? How?"

**_"I killed you because you wouldn't stop asking stupid questions!"_ **

As soon as he finished frightening Joey out of his skull, the real Kaiba came up from behind him and bashed him on the head with a mallet. The crazy Kaiba was out cold.

" _Nice Me_  my ass. Are you hurt? Did he do anything?" He quickly began to untie Joey.

"Other than sticking his slimy tongue in my mouth and killing me in his, uh… dimension, nothing much." Joey was glad to find that he could move his limbs again. The thing the other had used to knock him out had worn off.

"Bastard!" Kaiba kicked his fallen doppelganger. Twice.

"What's going on, Kaiba? Why's there another you here?"

"I'm not sure. I guess it's kind of a long story that I don't even know how to explain. Oh, and don't worry, he was lying; he didn't kill you. That… sounded really weird." He looked from the cord on his hand to the ripped curtain with a comically sad expression and began to tie up the lunatic.

"Huh? How do you know that?"

He retrieved a flash drive-sized gadget from his pocket and showed it to Joey. "Lie detector. I made it myself."

"Oh, wow. Cool! Um… did… did you use it when I said that I liked you?"

"…The first time. Even though I thought it was an obvious lie."

"Why not the second? You kept asking lots of questions."

"Well, I knew it already, didn't I?" Kaiba had a strange expression, almost as if he were embarrassed. Almost. It only lasted a second but Joey managed to catch a glimpse of it. "I just asked all those questions to see if you were serious. And I'd rather be the judge of that instead of relying on a machine."

"Oh. So, were you satisfied with what I said then?"

Kaiba smirked with that same strange expression. "You wouldn't be here right now if I weren't."

Joey thought about exploding with happiness right then, but he decided staying alive was a lot more fun.

When Kaiba finished, they carried the crazy boy to a cupboard and locked him there.

"Now follow me."

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \+ Mwahahahah I don't really like that whole "puppy" deal, that's why I gave it to Krazy!Kaiba. But hey, it's cool if you like it, man. I'm not judging. Most people do, anyways ¬_¬
> 
> \+ Have you ever heard the awesome song Krazy!Kaiba was quoting? It's "I Can't Decide", by the Scissor Sisters. If you haven't yet, go check it out!
> 
> \+ Umm… so where's Mokuba anyway? I've lost count of times he shows up in stories and suddenly vanishes… never to be discovered again.
> 
> \+ Just to make it clear, this was the first appearance of Krazy!Kaiba. All the other times it was the regular Kaiba, no matter how sexily out-of-character he was behaving.


	5. Domestic Violence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I posted an April Fools chapter yesterday on ff.net, and while it was pretty silly and could almost fit anywhere, the time wasn't right to post it here yet. I'll probably post it though, let's see if I can fool you with it :D

**5\. Domestic violence**

"What is this place? Did we really go through a magic door?"

"That door has a perception filter that makes it kind of… unnoticeable, unless you know it's there. And this is my secret lab."

All around them there were incredible machineries that Joey had no idea what they were. On a corner he saw something that resembled the body of a motorcycle with a Duel Disk linked to it. It looked… silly. On another, there were things that seemed to have come out of a horror movie. Joey decided not to get close to that corner. "Awesome! You're like a mad scientist!"

Kaiba scowled and hit his head lightly with a spanner.

"Ow! S-sorry. Not 'mad'. How about 'brilliant'?"

"That's better." He picked up an oval object that looked like it came straight out of a sci-fi show from the 80s. "The bastard was using this device to… well, I don't see a better way to explain other than 'disrupt our senses'." He let Joey examine the gadget, warning him sternly not to turn it on. It had a dial that could be set to Shy, Sexy, Polite, and… Cute. 'The Moe Machine of Dreams' was scribbled on it. "And I'm willing to bet that he created it himself. He  _is_  a version of me."

"So… he's evil-genius-you?"

"No. I'm evil-genius-me.  _He's_  the mad scientist."

"Oh, right, that makes more sense."

"I was working on something that would make the holograms from the Duel Disk more realistic, but I started picking interference waves on my machine that were coming literally from nowhere. Then there was an explosion that knocked me out. When I came to, there was smoke everywhere. I guess that's when he crossed—"

"He said he slid."

Kaiba hit him with the spanner again. "That's when he crossed to this world. I'm guessing he used another device with the same frequency that connected to my machine and used it as a jump start to… oh, shit!"

"Kaiba? What's wrong?"

When Kaiba reached the cupboard, he found it empty.

He wielded the mallet. "Stay close to me, Wheeler. He could still be here."

"Okay. By the way, where's Mokuba? Haven't seen him around."

"When I started feeling that something was wrong, I sent him some place safe. And this was days ago. Poor little brother. His absence wasn't even noticed."

"Hey, sorry alright, I had my, uh, senses disrupted and shit. But I'm glad he ain't here right now. Heeey, what about me? I've been on and off your house for most of the time!"

"Aren't you big enough to take care of yourself?"

Joey pouted, mumbling things like "caught by surprise" and "almost raped by a homicidal maniac". Kaiba passed an arm around his neck and pulled him close.

"Idiot. I'm here aren't I? If there's anything you can't take care of, I can. And vice-versa." He mumbled that last part, but Joey still heard it. He blushed, pleased with the display of affection and the confidence Kaiba suddenly showed in him. They were okay. He and Kaiba would handle everything. And Kaiba would show that creepy copy who was boss. Kaiba… was leaning heavily on him.

"Hey, um, Kaiba? Not for nothing, but you ain't as light as you look. As much as I'm enjoying this, you should let go before we both fall down." He barely finished talking and Kaiba fell on top of him.

"Gah! Hey Kaiba! What's—" He lifted the hand he had on Kaiba's hair. It was red with blood. "Oooh shit."

oOo

Joey managed to half-carry-half-drag him to his favourite couch, but what should he do? He knew next to nothing about first-aid. If he left to find help, the other could come back and… do more evil things.

There weren't phones anywhere near them. He could run to the kitchen and get some ice. Could he do it fast enough? He hoped so.

He made it to the freezer and back in 9 seconds. Picking up a pillow in the nearest couch, he ripped the case off and combined it with the ice to use as a makeshift icepack. The injury on Kaiba's head had stopped bleeding, so he applied the 'icepack' and waited for him to wake up, holding his injured head on his lap. A few minutes passed until he felt him starting to stir.

"Why did… everyone feel the need to destroy my living-room today?"

"You're awake! Does it hurt? Do you wanna go to the hospital?"

"No… just get me an aspirin."

Knowing the mansion like the back of his hand already, Joey found the medicine cabinet and returned with the aspirin and a glass of water in no time.

"I didn't see him anywhere. Do you think he's still around?"

"No. He probably returned to his world. But that doesn't mean he won't come back. I wonder how long he's been messing with our heads with that thing."

"Yeah, that's fucked up. What do you think he wanted?"  _Aside from molesting me, that is._

"It can't be anything good."

"What happened to you anyway?"

"I went in the lab then because I had my suspicions about something like this. Well, not  _exactly_  like this, but I knew there was something muddling my head, then you started with all that weird adorable shit and I saw it wasn't just me. I knew whatever it was, it was coming from there. He ambushed me and hit me with that mallet. I pretended to fall unconscious and… the rest is history. But I was stupid enough to forget to search him. And to notice that if I could withstand a blow from that thing, then so could he."

"It ain't your fault, you  _had_  just been hit on the head."

"And you didn't think of it either."

"Well excuse me for defending you! Oh, but I did forget he had a blade. My bad. I got nervous with what had happened, and—"

Kaiba punched his arm lightly. "Don't worry about it too much, idiot. At least he's gone for now."

"Yeah. Wait. Holy shit, you wanted to make the holograms even more realistic?"

"…You're the slowest person I know. Seriously. But… I do prefer you like that; if I wanted cute, I'd go out with… I don't know, Bakura."

"Oh yeah? Well… if I wanted sexy, I'd go out with… Duke!"

"Hn, I've dated Devlin. He was really good with his hands."

"Y…WHAT?! Hey! That ain't… that ain't really… where's that lie detector? You're lying, right Kaiba? Kaiba? Kaiba tell me you're lying!" Kaiba hid the lie detector in his underwear. The screen displayed the word  _Lie_.

"Forget about that. Besides… if he can create a dimension crossing machine, so can I."

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \+ From the TARDIS wikia: _Perception filters had the effect of directing attention away from the object or its bearer, rendering them unnoticeable._ So yeah, it's a secret door in plain view.
> 
> \+ So… is it a lie that he dated Duke or that he was good with his hands? I guess we'll never know…
> 
> \+ And that's how you get rid of Mokuba :D just throw him in a safe-house somewhere.  
> _____
> 
>  
> 
> "Why is the TARDIS bigger inside than outside?"
> 
>  
> 
> "Because it's dimensionally transcendental."
> 
>  
> 
> "What does that mean?"
> 
>  
> 
> "It means that it's bigger inside than out."
> 
>  
> 
> \- Jo and the Third Doctor -


	6. Children's card game. Not!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shadi shows up and kills everyone. Or not.

"Man, just rest for a while. You've been working non-stop for two days!"

"Forget it. I won't rest until I one-up that fucker."

"But… but he's insane! Bars-in-the-window crazy! Can you really think like an insane person?"

"He's crazy and I'm not, which means he's at a disadvantage. That just makes it even easier."

"Agh, alright, whatever you say. I can't keep up with all this. I'm going home 'cause I got like two weeks' worth of homework to do."

"Come here first. I wanna show you something."

"What is it?"

As soon as Joey approached him, Kaiba kissed him for a couple of minutes, tongue curling and twisting around his with a sultriness that made his knees go weak. "Never mind. Travel safe."

"Y-you too." He tripped on a wire on his way out but Kaiba was nice enough to pretend he didn't notice it.

oOo

**_Elsewhere_ **

"Do you think the Master will take long? I have to go to the bathroom."

"Shh! He's coming."

The Master slowly descended the stairs of the Kaiba mansion with a glass of wine on one hand.

"Good morning, gentlemen. Any luck in finding our elusive friend?"

A short, spiky-haired boy spoke, while keeping his head down. "No yet, sir. But one of the night guards said he saw someone that looked like him a few days ago in the slums."

"Wonderful. Call him here if you would be so kind."

The boy left and returned with a taller person, his pointy hair made him look even taller. He kneeled in front of the Master. "Sir."

"So? You think you might have seen my little lost lamb then?"

"Yes sir. I followed him for some time, but then he entered a store and… vanished."

The Master frowned. "Couldn't he have left through the back door?"

"The problem is… there wasn't a back door. It was a small store, and I checked everywhere. But there was no sign of him"

The Master drank his wine while looking around pensively. "Alright. I want one person inside his room at all times and another guarding the door. Mr. Taylor, you did a nice job. Please go back to your post and continue to keep an eye out for him. As for the rest of you, ask Mr. Taylor the exact location the runaway was last seen and patrol that area." He addressed a handsome black-haired boy with green eyes. "Mr. Devlin, I need to see you in my chambers."

He made a small reverence with his head bowed. "Yes, Master Wheeler."

Master Joey Wheeler put the empty glass on a table and left, unaware that he was being watched by the one he was looking for.

_Enjoy being on the top while you can, "Master". I will put you back in your place soon enough._ A while later, after everyone left the room, insane-Seto Kaiba came out of the cupboard, starving and fuming in rage, and entered the secret lab.

oOo

As it turned out, building a dimension crossing machine wasn't exactly an easy task. Kaiba had disassembled the sense disruptor (he refused to call it 'The Moe Machine of Dreams') and examined it thoroughly to try and understand how the other Kaiba's mind worked. It hardly made any sense, and if his theory that there had to be some sort of machine on the other side that connected with this one, like his hologram projector did for the other was correct, then he was royally screwed. He made some notes on a whiteboard, sighed and slumped on a nearby chair.

"It took me almost a year to build it, you know. You expect to just figure it out in a couple of days?"

Kaiba jumped from the chair and picked up a blowtorch from the workbench. He pointed it at the crazy Kaiba. "Hands up!"

"Easy there, cowboy. I'm not here to fight." He raised his hands while trying for his most innocent smile.

"Put the knife and the dimension machine on the table." The crazy Kaiba did so and returned his hands in the air, while Kaiba took both objects and searched him. "Are you going to explain yourself or do I have to make you?"

"Ooh, kinky. I guess we're more similar than I thought. Anyway, I'm sure you heard me the other day when I explained where I came from. And the reason I came here in the first place is because I need your help."

Kaiba glared at him. "You need my help and you clocked me?!"  _Not to mention how you abused my... guest._

"So I got a little nervous with the imminence of our first encounter. Plus I got jealous of you kissing him. Whenever I showed up, you were… playing, so I would always start watching (and secretly mess with you, as I'm sure you're aware by now) and forget what I was supposed to do. Hah, me and my voyeurism. I guess I kinda… missed the momentum. I'm somewhat losing focus of things these days. I'm starving. Do you have any food?"

"Some of those things are more than I wanted to know. And go back a little. You got jealous of… Wheeler?"

"In my world we share a… special connection. He's my dog."

"Wait." He picked up his lie detector and asked the other to continue after explaining what it was.

The crazy Kaiba pouted. "Oh, you're no fun. Fine. He's not my dog. But he used to be. We had a bet, winner takes all. He got my empire, my employees and well, me. As a dog. And by that, I mean sex slave. Normally I wouldn't mind anything that involves him, me and sex—"

"Again, too much information."

"…but the problem is that the dirty mutt cheated, and I don't admit cheaters. And I couldn't prove it. So the tables turned. I really am hungry."

"That's rough, buddy. And how did you even come up with this dimension crossing machine or whatever you call it?"

"There wasn't anyone that could help me with my predicaments in my world. After I thought long about it, I realised my only chance was to find someone as clever as me to help me. Since there is no such being, it was either try to find a parallel dimension or clone myself. Guess which of these was easier? And here's why you wouldn't be able to make one of these." He pointed to the machine. "Back in my world, there was a rare book written by a man named Adam Rooney. It told of different worlds and means to get to them, but it was so ridiculous that it was classified as fiction. It had some highly offensive stuff in it about most religions, so people burnt it by the dozens.

"I had nothing to lose, so I went after it, and after a long time, I managed to find what is probably the last copy. I tried everything in it. And after having shit blowing up in my face for about 80 times, here I am. And to make matters more dramatic, the last explosion burned up most of the book. I did save a few pages, but they're probably useless." He showed him the wrinkled and dirty pages he got from a pocket.

Kaiba took a quick look at them and set them aside. "Interesting. And what would stop me from trying it as well whenever I came across this book? And believe me, I would have."

"Simple. In your world, he died before writing the book. I checked."

"Hn. Okay. Whatever, I don't see why I should help you."

"C'mon, he needs to be dethroned! He doesn't deserve to be the Master."

"Speaking of which, what's with this 'Master' thing?"

"To put it simply, it's the title given to whoever controls the empire. It was my title, since I created it, and it was my empire."

"Empire of what?"

"Oh, didn't I say it? Cards."

_So we really are alike?_ "Your empire of… Duel Monsters?"

"Duel Monsters? What are you talking about? The whole world knows the Kaiba name is associated with the best game of all times: Poker."

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Krazy!Kaiba will be part of the story, and we shall call him something else to avoid confusion. You'll see what next chapter. The way he acts and talks has absolutely nothing to do with the actual Kaiba. Just think of him as a different character altogether, or you'll just drown in the OOCness. It's kind of like… well, if Kaiba cloned himself, the clone would most likely behave nothing like him, seeing as he didn't live his life and didn't have the same experiences. Like so, Krazy!Kaiba lived in a different world; the only things he has that are like Kaiba's are his face and name. Aaand… whichever other characters from that world that decide to show their faces in this humble little story can be treated like that as well. Thank you for your time. Have a good night.


	7. Hoist by his own petard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joey uses Brooklyn Rage! It's not very effective.

**7\. Hoist by his own petard**

Joey looked at the school books in disgust. With all that was happening, he couldn't concentrate. Plus, doing homework really sucked. Screw it, he could always copy off Yugi or Tristan. Kaiba probably needed him; if he wasn't there to make sure he rested once in a while, he would definitely collapse eventually. He called him to check if he was home.

"Hey Kaiba, how you do—"

"Busy. Don't come here."

"Wow, rude!" But Kaiba had hung up already. "Agh! Screw you. I'm going to Yug's."

oOo

"Why don't you just use that thing on him?" Kaiba pointed to the disassembled sense disruptor.

"I still cannot believe you dismantled my baby. That was totally uncalled for. Well, I couldn't make it with the settings I wanted. I did use it on him for a while the way it is, and it helped me to delay his… vengeance. But when he found out, he got even madder and had someone build him an immunity device. In the shape of a crown, no less. Man, does he think highly of himself. That's when I escaped and started living in the shitty slums, working on the Otherworldly Gadget of Dreams. Help me, Obi Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope."

"I'm still not interested."

"But… don't you feel bad knowing somewhere Puppy, I mean, Wheeler has the advantage over you? That you're supposed to be his slave?"

 _Puppy? What the hell?_  "Wasn't the situation the opposite before? Wasn't he your slave? If you ask me, I think you deserve it. Why can't you just have a normal relationship without this slave bullshit?"

"Where's the fun in that? And don't defend that dog. He's not exactly a little angel like yours. Besides, the term was his idea actually. Sort of. Well, not really, but it did come from him."

"You're really not making a good job in convincing me to help you. Let go of the slave deal and I'll think about it."

"Not happening."

"Then kindly fuck off. I'm too busy to deal with your psychotic nonsense."

The crazy Kaiba hit his fists on the workbench. "Don't you get it? If it's not like that, I…"

"You what?" But Kaiba had an idea of what he was going to say.

"If… if I don't force him, he won't be with me. He hates me. For some reason."

"For some reason? Look, I'm not gonna start giving out relationship advices out of nowhere because honestly, I don't have much experience myself, but you're really not making it any easier. I'd say the only thing you got going for you is your looks-"

"Oh, stop it, you." The crazy Kaiba gave him a lopsided smile.

"And at least for  _my_  Wheeler that isn't enough." He immediately regretted saying  _my Wheeler_ , but what was done, was done. "I don't know if yours is anything remotely like him, but if you really want him, you gonna have to get off your high horse and actually do something."

"What did you do?"

"Well…" Kaiba couldn't reply for a few seconds. "…Nothing. But the situations are a little reversed here."

"Yeah? How so?"

"Er… he was the one who declared to me, and while knowing I was an asshole."

"Oh, so what you're saying is that I'm fucked. I'm not going to submit to him. It's either me in charge or nothing."

"It shouldn't be anyone in charge! Why can't you understand something so simple?" He sighed, feeling completely lost. "I'm guessing our worlds and circumstances are pretty different. I don't know you, I don't know him and I don't know what went on between you. But if whatever it is you were doing didn't work, maybe you should try something else."

"Like what? Like how to be a nice boy, don't handcuff him to the bed when he's mad, don't force him to screw when he's not in the mood and shit like that?"

Kaiba wrinkled his nose, trying to hide his dismay. "…That would be a start, yeah."

"That goes against my nature, but maybe it's worth a try. But I can't do that right now when he's the one after my ass. But you know, maybe you should let me practice on your Wheeler."

Kaiba grabbed him by the collar and spoke as calm and low as possible. "You're dead the second you touch him again."

But the intimidation didn't exactly work like he wanted. "You use that tone of voice on me again and I'll think about changing targets. I've always wondered what it would be like doing it with myself. I mean, I do like him, but we  _are_  the hottest person in the universe." He licked his lips and winked.

Kaiba got close enough to touch noses and spitefully used the same tone as before. "I'd rather give all my money to charity."

"Ouch."

Joey chose this moment to burst through the door. "Hey Kaiba, I know you said you're busy but face it, you can't live without me anym—what the fuck! Why is the loony back here? And… are you cheating on me with him?"  _And why the fuck do I find it disturbingly hot?!_

Kaiba let go of the other and stood between him and Joey, ready to at least knock him out if he made any sudden moves. "In his dreams. And didn't I tell you not to come here?"

"Yeah, but I was—"

"Puppy! You came back to see me again?"

Joey looked at him with a sneer, then stared at  _his_  Kaiba. "You start calling me puppy too and I'm getting the fuck out of dodge."

Kaiba snorted. "Not in this lifetime, loser."

"That's better. Wait. What did you mean by 'in his dreams'? Now he's after you too?"

Ignoring him, Kaiba went to look at his long-forgotten hologram projector just to have something to do. "Go make us some burgers, Wheeler."

"What? Who died and made you boss?  _You_  go make burgers!"

"Alright, I'll go and you stay here with him."

"…On second thought, I think I'll go make us some burgers."

For both their sakes, Kaiba fought the urge to call him a 'good boy'. After Joey left, he turned his attention back to the other. "What kind of help do you even want from me anyway?"

"Time machine."

"Nope."

"It's gotta be a time machine."

"Look, even without that book I can see how a dimension machine is remotely feasible, but a time machine is nothing but fiction. Was this your whole plan? You don't sound all that clever to me."

"Well, I didn't say I thought it through. I mostly wanted to get out of there before they found me. And believe me, he can track like a hound. I think he's a crossbred or som—"

"Focus."

"Right. Our IQs together must surpass 500, I'm sure we can think of an infallible plan."

"How about you challenge him to a rematch?"

"When he won, it was already a rematch, and since I 'lost', I can't challenge him again, it's against the rules."

"What? What kind of moron created these rules?"

"Hey, shut up! Nobody can defeat me. I wouldn't even need a rematch if he hadn't cheated."

"How did he cheat anyway?"

"It's… really stupid."

"Yeah, like everything else. How?"

"Well, on a whim I let him use his own deck. It was the deck I had given him for his birthday, and I even had the dealer check it beforehand to see if he hadn't marked the cards, and there wasn't anything unusual. But the thing is… he sprayed the cards with perfume and memorised each smell."

"…"

"I know."

"How would that even work?!"

"Well, I keep calling him a dog, and he does have the nose for it."

Kaiba sighed, not trying to understand anymore. "…So, what are the rules then?"

"If the Master challenges you and you lose, you can have a rematch after one year. If you challenge and lose, there's no rematch. And like I said, the loser of a rematch can't challenge again. The loser works for the Master, and it's a perpetual contract; it's not that bad actually, there is a great health plan. Hmm… that or you just become his paramour, if he decides it so. If you win, you're the new Master. Simple as that. The only way I could go back to being Master is if he challenged me again. And well, he can be pretty dumb sometimes, but unfortunately not that dumb."

Kaiba had to think for a moment, to remember what 'paramour' meant and let everything sink in. "So I imagine you made these rules to get yourself a harem."

"That was the initial plan, yes, but unfortunately most people who ever dared challenge me weren't to my taste, so they were just made into regular employees, with the exception of Puppy, of course. I did occasionally challenge one or other hot piece of ass, but they were much too wusses to accept. Oh, but it was especially fun defeating that shrimp Muto."

"Y-you defeated Muto? Yugi Muto?"

"Well, yeah. He wasn't anything special, but that freaky hair of his pissed me off."

Kaiba had to concentrate or he would probably break something. So, he vowed to challenge Yugi to a game of Poker someday.

Joey returned with three burgers, gave one to Kaiba, put the other in front of the lunatic and stared unceremoniously at him.

"Did you poison mine, Puppy?"

"Of course not! You may have no qualms about killing someone but I do!"

"I see. So you spat in it."

"Wha—? Li-like I would do something that childish."

"Alright. Give me yours then."

Joey hesitated for a moment. "Okay, I spat in it."

The crazy Kaiba shook his head. "Bad, bad Puppy." He started eating the burger anyway.

"Hey, shut up, pal! Think I'll just forget what you did?"  _And what you almost did. Ugh._

"Ah, I didn't mean any of what I said. And I wasn't really going to do anything to you."

"Yeah, right."

He bowed his head deeply. "Please accept my sincerest apologies, I was merely jesting."

Joey looked at him, almost swayed enough to give him the benefit of the doubt.

"I mean, it's not like I brought my toys with me."

"…You're disgusting."

"Thanks. I try. Hey, you know how the Burger King got the Dairy Queen pregnant?"

"No. How?" Joey replied on a reflex.

"He forgot to wrap his whopper."

Joey tried to hold, he really did, but five seconds later he was laughing. "Man, that one sucked."

"No. If she had, she wouldn't have gotten pregnant." That did it. Joey laughed even harder.

Kaiba started to feel sick watching the interaction between them, but he'd sooner dye his own hair green before he admitted out loud he was jealous.

"So what the hell should we call you anyway? Calling you both Kaiba would just be confusing. And forget about that Master bullshit, it ain't happening."

"Why don't you just call your sweetheart by the first name?"

Joey turned beet red. "Well, t-that uh, that would… um… Kaiba would…" He looked at Kaiba, but he had his back turned and was messing with something on a shelf.

"Yeah, yeah, you're a shy little puppy, I get it." Kaiba said nothing, since he too wasn't crazy about the idea of calling Joey by the first name. "Well, I guess you could call me B., it was my nickname when I was a cute little boy."

"B.? As is Butthead?"

"As in Beautiful. Go ahead, say it's not true."

"Er…" Joey wasn't sure of what to say. Kaiba simply rolled his eyes.

"B., huh? Repeat your story to Wheeler; I have some emails to send." He grabbed his laptop and started typing non-stop, while B. filled Joey in on the story.

"Perfume, eh? Heard that one before."

B. stared creepily at him.

"Geez, blink, man. If you keep staring at me like that your eyes will dry out and fall from your head."

"Puppy, that doesn't even— never mind. Here's what I was thinking: how about we get you and  _my_  Puppy to exchange places, so you would challenge me and lose on purpose? We wait until it's his sleepy-time, he won't even notice. Then we exchange you back and things go back to being perfect!"

"Man, that's a low plan."

B. looked puzzled. "…So?"

Kaiba crossed his arms, hesitant. "Do they speak and behave the same way?"

"Not even remotely. Why?"

"It wouldn't work." He pointed at Joey. "This person can't act for shit, he'd be immediately found out."

Joey resented that comment. "What? How would you even know that?"

"Alright. Act."

"…Eh… but just like that, out of a sudden? Well… alright, here goes nothing."

He cleared his throat, got on one knee, looking at nothing apparently, with one hand over his chest and the other extended in front of him. "Oh, Romeo, Romeo. Where— uh… I don't really know the line."

"Juliet? Really? You could have at least chosen Hamlet."

"Hey, you didn't exactly give me time to prepare, you know!"

"Forget it. I remember you on school plays. You couldn't act even when you were cast as a rock. A static rock without any lines."

Joey was torn between being mad at Kaiba for not acknowledging his superb acting skills, or happy that he watched and remembered his plays. He chose the former.

"Listen, mister! I'll have you know I even got a trophy for a play once!"

"Oh yeah? What for?"

"I don't… I don't feel like telling you."

"It  _was_  for Hamlet, wasn't it?

Joey lowered his head. "Yes."

"And it was a comic relief trophy, because you managed to transform  _that_  into a comedy, wasn't it?"

His voice was barely audible. "Yes."

"I rest my case."

"Maybe you could act if you were cast as a dog, huh?" Joey slapped B. over the head. "Ow! Watch it, I have a bump there! Oh well, we'll think of something else."

Kaiba sighed, knowing there was no other way to get rid of that guy. "Here's something else.  _I_  will challenge this Master."

TBC


	8. Duellist for Hire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sassy boys are sassy.

**8\. Duellist for hire**

"Kaiba, do you even know how to play Poker?"

"No, but I've seen people playing it on westerns and whatnot, doesn't seem that difficult. Plus, I'll have the master as a teacher, won't I,  _Master_?" He said the word as if it were an insult.

"What, you'll just beat him and pass the honours back to me out of the kindness of your heart?"

"That's the type of person I am. The nicest guy on the face of the planet."

Joey choked on the last bite of his burger. "Geez, Kaiba. I think your lie detector just exploded."

"What? I'm kindness personified." They looked at him, completely unconvinced. "Okay, I just want him gone, and I'll do whatever it takes." He stared at B. "You're not leaving us alone no matter what I do, will you?"

"Nope."

"Didn't think so." They were in a room filled with all kinds of games. Kaiba got a deck of cards from a drawer and threw it at the crazy version of himself. "Alright, then. Make yourself useful."

"Yeah, yeah."

They spent the morning talking about Poker's rules and plays, while Joey accommodated himself on a sofa with a handheld. Kaiba got the basics pretty fast after they started playing it, but it would still be a while before he beat the other. When it came down to it, it was more of a luck-based game than Duel Monsters, but that didn't mean you could win without skill.

He stared at B. as he shuffled the deck, then averted his eyes annoyed when the other winked at him.

"Don't flatter yourself. It's just... this whole 'other me' deal is way too bizarre. Hn. Maybe Yugi isn't as full of shit as I thought. Though I still prefer to believe he's just bipolar."

B. Looked a little confused but that reminded him of something. "Speaking of which, what are we doing about your appearance? You can't just go looking like me."

"I know. Maybe I could make some sort of holographic image altering device and…"

"There's no need for something so complicated. We could just wear disguises." Joey spoke without raising his eyes from his game.

" _We?_  Who said you were coming too?"

"Aw, c'mon. It's a different dimension, I wanna see it! The last time I was in another dimension, it was that video game world you made, plus I didn't get to go with my own body, and now I do. Also I wanna check out the other me!"

"Video game world, huh. You guys sure lead an interesting life here."

Kaiba suddenly remembered the outfit Joey wore back then and was glad he was sitting down behind a table. He cleared his throat before speaking in case his enthusiasm threatened to show up on his voice. "Alright, whatever. Search on the internet for a decent costumes store. And have them deliver whatever you buy today." He handed Joey his credit card and laptop. That entertained him for a while. He ordered several wigs and sunglasses from a cosplay website, and Kaiba's name assured him they would be delivered as soon as possible.

A few hours later, Joey answered the door and came back with several boxes and packages.

"I somehow knew you would buy the whole store. I just hope there's something decent in there."

"You bet there is. But first, check this out!"

He pulled out a long, white wig and put it on his head, making sure his left eye was covered, and spoke in an affected manner: "Do you wanna duel me, Kaiba-boy?"

Kaiba cringed. "You have a terrible sense of humour. Now I know why you laughed at his jokes. Take that shit off."

Joey took the Pegasus wig off, embarrassed. "Sorry. But I do have something that I think it would really look good on you." He opened a box that contained a shoulder-length silver wig, with nose-length bangs and showed it to Kaiba, who approved his taste this time.

Checking himself out in a mirror, Kaiba seemingly liked what he saw. He searched around the boxes, soon finding exactly what he was looking for: a pair of round blue shades. "Not bad. As for you…" Kaiba chose a wig that had caught his eye when he was searching for the shades. It was black, with short bangs, and it jutted upwards on the sides with blond highlights.

"That's some crazy taste you got."

"What are you talking about? You're the one who bought all these weird-ass shit. C'mon, put this on."

"Hey, I wanna play too!" B. tried every single item Joey had bought, just for fun, complaining that none of the items contributed to make him look even hotter.

"And add this for the finishing touch." Kaiba handed a pair of red aviators to Joey.

"Eh, they're cool, but they look kinda girly."

"…Seriously.  _You_  chose them."

"Ah, I just thought they looked nice in the picture. Well, they do look nice, but…" He put them on anyway and B. whistled, immediately causing Kaiba to elbow him. "Okay. I'll stick with these, then."

After everything was chosen and put separately, Joey went back to the sofa, while the Kaibas resumed their Poker game.

"How are we going to solve the 'other' issue?" Kaiba remembered there was another thing to take care of.

"The cards?"

"Yeah. How will I get past the fact that they're all marked? To him, at least."

"Well, the deck I got him is pretty unique. Maybe we could try to find one just like it and exchange them before the duel. I bought it online. Try to check the website."

He told him the address, but the page apparently didn't exist in this world.

"Great." They browsed several card games websites, rarities and gifts pages, until they found the exact same deck at an auction page.

"A $600 bid for a freaking deck of cards. $1000 to buy it on the spot."

"Wow. I paid only $500 on mine."

"Holy shit, I don't think I've ever spent this much even in Duel Monsters cards (hah, who am I kidding, of course I have). Oh well, as long as they deliver it until tomorrow." He bought the ridiculously expensive deck, on the condition that it would be delivered within 24 hours.

It was well past midnight when they had decided to call it a day. Joey had been long sleeping slouched on the sofa. Kaiba shook his shoulder. "Hey, freeloader. Go to your house."

"Mmnncaann't… no keys…"

"Oh, that's nice. You were planning to sleep here this whole time, weren't you?" He got no response. "Well, you go back to your world then. Fuck, it's weird saying that."

"I can't. He has people looking for me all over the city. Few days ago, Taylor found my hideout."

"Then… I don't know. Just pick one of those wigs and—"

"Really, we can't risk ruining the plan so close to the climax. I like that word. Climax. Just let me stay here, I haven't slept on a bed in days. If I don't behave, you can… punish me."

"Right, because you so obviously hate being punished. And I'd sooner trust a random hobo before I trusted you. Not with him here." He glanced at Joey.

"C'mon, don't be an ass, ass!"

Kaiba sighed, somehow knowing it was useless discussing with a crazy counterpart of himself. "Alright, I'll just lock you in a room for the night then. And don't bother trying to escape and go looking for him 'cause he'll be with me."

"You just want all the fun to yourself, don't you? Ever heard of sharing?"

"Another word and you're sleeping outside."

"Yeah, yeah."

Kaiba locked him in a room and carried Joey to his own bedroom. Laying him on the bed, he went to his desk and turned on his laptop to study about Poker some more. Then he sent an email to Mokuba to tell him things would be over soon and he'd be able to come back. Even if the madman ended up being more docile than they anticipated, he wouldn't take any chances.

When his eyes got too tired of the brightness of the screen, he turned it off and got ready to sleep, momentarily halting when he looked at his bed. He had completely forgotten Joey was there.

 _Doesn't mean anything. I'll just go to sleep like usual._  Joey snored lightly, but that didn't bother him. What did bother him five minutes later was Joey flinging his arms around him, still deeply immersed in sleep.  _Wonderful_. He gently removed the other's arms from his neck and distanced himself. On his king-size bed there was a lot of room for both of them to sleep without the need of touching one another.

A couple of minutes went by and then Joey had his arms around him again.

_Godamnit._

He shook Joey awake. "Hey. Behave yourself."

"Gnnn? Where am I?"

"My room. The maniac had to stay here for the night and I didn't want to risk having him going after you."

"Aww. You jealous?"

"Well, if you don't mind being molested by him, you're free to sleep wherever you want. The key to his room is on the desk."

That didn't really do much to paint him in a less jealous colour, but he was too tired to care.

"No, no, no, you're right. It's safer here."

Kaiba wasn't so sure of that. "Just… stay on your side and mind your arms."

Joey had no idea why he sounded so tense, but decided not to push it. He still was pretty sleepy.

Eight minutes later, he was snoring with his arms beside his head and a leg over Kaiba.

Kaiba sighed, getting up and finding a futon in the closet _. Idiot._

Not used to sleeping on the floor, it took a while for sleep to take him.

oOo

He woke up with a neck pain and Joey sleepily babbling something about killing birds with a hanger, went to the bathroom to take care of business, put on a black, long-sleeved coat over his also black turtleneck and pants, and then shook dreaming boy awake.

"Sleep well, princess?"

Joey yawned, stretching his arms with both middle fingers in the air. "Fuck off."

"Well, I did carry you here like a princess last night and you didn't even wake up."

"Er… I uh… I slept like a log, thank you. Hey, what does that even mean?"

"It means you sleep like a dead person, like a log after someone cut it from a tree. Because it's dead."

"Really?"

"No. I'm gonna go wake up the crazy one. Stay here and lock the door."

"'Kay. Wow! You look… wow."  _Maybe I should dress-up too._

Kaiba's suspicions over the other were unfounded, as he was trying to behave his best to get the help he wanted. He went back to retrieve Joey and they had breakfast. To everyone's delight, the deck arrived while they were eating, and Kaiba promptly unpacked it and started to mess with it to make it look at least a little used.

Then they played some more Poker until Joey got bored.

"When are you planning to go defeat the other me?"

"Later today."

"What? But you just learned how to play yesterday."

"There are not that many secrets to the game. Besides, did you forget who you're talking to? I think I can handle a cheating loser like that."

"Alright. So when are we leaving?"

"We leave in three hours, after lunch. If you're not here by then, we'll go without you."

"Got it. See ya!" He slammed the door on his way out, causing Kaiba to snarl.

"And? Why do you look so pent up?"

"What? Where did you get that from?"

"Oh, you know you can't fool  _me_. What is it? Blondie's not putting out?"

Kaiba sighed. "Do I really have to discuss this with you?"

B. looked around. "It seems you don't have many options. Where is everyone? My place is always full of people; I've barely ever seen anyone here."

"There isn't anyone, I don't like people. And…" He thought about how he should put it. "We're not… in the 'putting out' stage yet."

"What? What are you—"

"Don't interrupt me. Wheeler is… I don't know, too innocent or too naïve. It seems like he doesn't even thinks about these things."

He told B. the whole story.

"You're not even in love with him? That's rich. Give him to me then."

"Not in a million years. And I already told you, I'll end you the next time you even think about touching him. Stay here. I have to call the office. Don't… don't do anything I wouldn't."

"Yeah, yeah." B. smiled knowingly when the other left the room. "Who's the naïve one here? The way you talk, the way you look at him and you're not in love with him? Either you're blind or you're crazier than me."

**TBC**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kaiba had to sell a kidney to buy all his Duel Monsters cards. Not his, though, so it's okay.


	9. Notto disu shitto agen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a couple of Seto Kaibas having a heart to heart.

**9\. Notto disu shitto agen**

"So you're not gonna bang him then?"

Kaiba sighed, throwing his hand at the table. "Can we please stop talking about this? Flush." He had won the current turn. He suspected B. wasn't really using all of his capabilities, but it didn't matter, so long as he could practice some more. "I'll do something when the time's right."

"When's that? When you're 64?"

"Why 64? 4 of a kind."

"Beatles. Straight Flush."

_Hn. At least his taste in music isn't bad._  "Fuck. Besides, he was the one supposed to be seducing me. It's been weeks, and if he didn't do anything until now, it's obvious he's clueless. Even without you screwing around with us."

"Face it, you're gonna have to take matters into your own hands. And I don't just mean when you're beating your meat. Even the first kiss was initiated by you. Oh yeah, but like you said, back then I was spamming  _cute_  and  _shy_ on my moe machine like crazy. Sooo… kinda my fault. Anyway… you're gonna have to forget your own rules and do it yourself."

"Funny to hear you say that when you won't do it. 2 pair."

"I can't. I would have to be on the Master's post to do it. 3 of a kind. He likes you anyway, just throw him on the bed and give it to him until he can't walk anymore."

Kaiba rolled his eyes. "What if… what if he asks…?"

"If he asks you fucking tell him! I know for a fact that we Seto Kaiba can be a lot of things, but coward isn't one of them."

"Hn… I'm pretty sure you did some coward things here and there, but whatever. And how can I tell him when I don't even know it myself?"

"Search your feelings. You know it to be true. Full House."

"…You really like that Star Wars bullshit, huh. 4 of a kind."

"Oh, you beat me again. Nice. Look, I'm gonna do something incredibly sweet for you now right now, but don't hold it against me. Give me your laptop."

Kaiba handed him the laptop, keeping an eye on what he was doing. He loaded a music video on YouTube.

 

_Goddamn you half-Japanese girls_

_Do it to me every time_

_Oh the redhead said you shred the cello_

 

"This doesn't make any sense."

"Shhh!"

The song went on, and Kaiba paid attention to it against his will. A while after it was over, B. had to break the silence.

"So? What have we learned?"

"That… I'm the turkey and he's the bacon?"

"Okay. We're watching it again."

"No, there's no need for that. I got it, alright? But the thing is… how can I be sure? I never felt this before. What if I'm just lusting after him?"

"Well, so what? Bang him anyway. You've got nothing to lose. It's even easier than in the song, since you know he likes you."

"I don't, but he… I'm not like you, okay? I would never do it just for my own satisfaction."

"So you care about him."

"Of course I care about him. I just… I just don't know if I… if I'm…"

"You still can't say it, can you? You're in love with him. You're not in love with him. You wanna bang him. You want a blowj—"

"Shut up! Besides, if I ever gonna say… that, it'll be to him."

"Awww. How kay-ou-te! Look at me! Are you blushing? C'mon, tell me you'll try. I wanna go Yoda with  _do or do not_."

Kaiba ignored him, his face indeed red, whether he was blushing, whether he was pissed off at B. for being such a little prick, didn't matter. "Royal fucking Flush. Can you beat that, Master?"

"It seems I have nothing more to teach you, my padawan."

"Go fuck yourself. Ah, no. Bad choice of words. Let go of me!"

oOo

"Ow. You didn't have to kick me. After all I've done for you. Ow. Now I'll never have descendants."

"You're gay, you weren't going to screw any woman anyway."

"I'm not gay, I'm just… a pervert. I'll bang anyone if they're hot enough. But yeah, I do prefer the D. Girls can be interesting too, I mean, two holes right next—"

"I don't care!"

"Okay, okay. Geez, such a prude."

"Yeah, yeah. Oh great, now I'm starting to sound like you."

"It's a nice thing if you ask me."

"If there were two Kaibas like you, you would set the world on fire."

"You say it like it's a bad thing. This world is completely dull anyway."

"Yours may be, but I like mine. Besides, you're just bitching because you're not in control anymore."

"Guess so. Your world does seem interesting. What is that Dual Monsters thing you were talking about before? I liked the sound of that."

" _Duel_ Monsters. And no. Don't try to bond with me. What's even the use in you knowing about it?"

"Oh, c'mon. We're not doing anything until Puppy gets here anyway. Unless you wanna pass the time doing… something else." He winked deviously.

"…Fine. The… the first thing." They sat on the couch so Kaiba could look through his deck. He handed B. one of his Blue Eyes White Dragon. "Be careful with that. This may look like a kids' game, but it's one of the most profitable industries in my world. And there are a thousand different and complicated rules, so it's not as easy as Poker, and…"

B. wasn't listening anymore. He seemed hypnotized by the card in his hand. Kaiba noticed it with a proud smile. "Nice, isn't it? And there is only three of it in the world, and they're all mine."

He wasn't counting Yugi's grandpa's card because that one didn't mean anything to him. He felt it when he had all four of them.

"What… what is this dragon? It's like I can feel her inside of me. And not in a kinky way."

Kaiba took the card back jealously. "You feel it too? Well, there's no way around it, you really are me. There isn't… she's important to me. And… the way I feel about her and the way I feel about Wheeler… I don't know, it's similar, but I can't explain… hey!"

"Let me hold it again! I… I want it for myself!" B. reached for the deck, trying to get it off Kaiba's hands.

"I  _just_  said—let go! Ever since day one! Are you trying to steal all that's mine?"

"I am you, you know. What's yours, is mine."

"Like hell!" They rolled around the carpet while Kaiba defended his deck, but everything stopped when he noticed the door was open and that Joey was watching them. He wore an outfit similar to Kaiba's only in grey and white.

"You… how long have you been standing there?"

Joey turned beet red and suddenly couldn't remember how to speak.

"I… y-you…"

"Got it!"

The moment B. grabbed the deck, Kaiba head-butted him.

"Are you ready? We leave as soon as he wakes up."

"I… y-you…"

"Yeah. Okay."  _Great._   _Hope he didn't hear much_.

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \+ Alright, ehh… so I think the Blue Eyes is a girl, you know, kinda like Kisara. Just go with it. And of course, she's Red Eyes' giiirlfriend :D think nothing of Kaiba(s) being able to sense her, it's just something I've always wanted to include in a fanfic. It won't show up again. Well, maybe in another story…
> 
> \+ The video is Weezer's "El Scorcho". I didn't put up the lyrics for the song 'cause honestly, when there are lyrics in the middle of a fanfic, I just skip them. If you're interested, check it out. It kinda fits.
> 
> \+ I haven't played Poker in a while (or Duel Monsters for that matter) but I can tell you the hands, the one at the bottom is the lowest (duh) and the one at the top is the strongest.
> 
> Royal Flush  
> Straight Flush  
> 4 of a Kind  
> Full House  
> Flush  
> Straight  
> 3 of a Kind  
> 2 Pair  
> 1 Pair  
> Highest Card
> 
> \+ I'm not gonna explain what each of them mean or how to play, if you don't know, you don't need to, I won't make any detailed duels anyway, so don't worry about it. It is an awesome game, though, if you wanna learn about it. And remember, kids: Fair play, fair duel.
> 
> \+ I'm treating 'game of Poker' as 'duel' here, to trace a parallel between the two worlds. Poker is there what Duel Monsters is in the Yu-Gi-Oh! world after all.


	10. Demoned Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where the photographer mysteriously dies and that girl with the most annoying voice-- ah, no. Sorry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took me long, huh. I won't bore you with the whys, I'm bored enough. There's more I wanted to say right now, but I can't, I really can't. Maybe next time.

**10\. Demoned Away**

"I really could use an aspirin right now, you know." B. held his throbbing head, kind of like Psyduck.

"Your fighting skills are shit." Kaiba stared at him as if he were some single-celled organism.

"Fighting skills? What fighting skills? I've always had my securities doing all the fighting for me."

"…You really are a rich spoiled brat, aren't you?" Kaiba finally gave him an aspirin.

"Hey, speaking of money, who makes more money, a ho or a dealer?"

"Oh, not again."

"The ho, 'cause she can always wash her crack and sell it again."

Kaiba just shook his head, depressed to see his own face saying things like that.

"Let's just move on already." He checked the dimension machine in his hand. "So… it can only take two people at a time? That's convenient."

"That's what it said on the book. You don't wanna end up in the End of Time, do you? I don't make the rules. Well, usually I do, but unfortunately not this time."

"Yeah, okay. We'll go first, then I'll come back to take Wheeler." Kaiba shot him a look that said,  _and no, there's no discussing this._  "Let's go then. We'll have to do it from outside the gates so he'll think we came from somewhere else."

They left the mansion and stopped around the corner. Luckily Kaiba didn't have any neighbours that could possibly witness them vanishing into thin air.

"It's like this there too, right? Nobody is going to see us showing up out of nowhere?"

"Nope. Just like it."

"Okay." He turned to Joey. "You stay here. I'll be back for you in a minute." He noticed his Duel Monsters deck was still in his pocket and whispered in his ear. "Take care of this for me. I don't trust that bastard won't try to get it again." He handed it to Joey.

Joey seemed lost in his own world so he only nodded and put the deck in his pocket.

"Let's go."

oOo

_The way I feel about her and the way I feel about Wheeler… I don't know, it's similar, but I can't explain._

_Ever since day one! Are you trying to steal all that's mine?_

Kaiba's words echoed in his mind. Joey felt anaesthetized. He leaned on the wall of the house, unconsciously touching the deck in his pocket.

_Take care of this for me._

He tried with difficulty to make sense of his thoughts.

_The Blue Eyes…_

_The way he feels about…_

_All that's his…_

_His…_

_I'm…_

He suddenly knocked on his head a few times with both hands. "Nooooo! Poker! I need to think only about Poker right now. This… this comes later."

oOo

"How do we do this? Have you come up with a plan or will I have to think of one myself? And won't he try to, I don't know, arrest you or something?"

"Ha-ha. Puppy is a feisty one. He'll probably throw me on the floor and try to have his way with me the second he sees me. You should probably stay on guard just in case he figures out you're also me."

"What stops me from kicking his ass?"

"Loads of armed security."

"Loads? Hmm. I could deal with a few, but not with loads. Right. I'll go get Wheeler then."

"You know, now that we're alone, what say you and I—"

" _Don't_  make me regret this. I could simply stay there and you'd be stuck here with whatever fate that awaits you."

"Sor-ry. You're really no fun. Fine, I won't ask again."

Kaiba rolled his eyes and turned on the machine. "Somehow I doubt that."

When he got back to his own world, he wondered if Joey had turned insane as well.

"Poker-Poker-Poker-Poker-Poker-Poker-Poker-Poker. That's it. Just Poker. Poker-Poker-Poker-Poker-Poker-Poker-Poker— word just lost all meaning."

"What are you doing?"

"Poker—gah! I uh… I was getting focused."

"…Right. C'mon, let's go. The sooner I do this, the sooner that moron can disappear from our lives."

That was motivation enough for Joey. Kaiba looked like he had something else in his mind. He diverted his gaze as he touched Joey's arm so they could cross. "You look nice."

Joey could only gape at the person who had said it, unsure of how to react.

oOo

"Alright, we're all here. Explain the plan if you have one."

"I'll ring the bell. We tell the whole story about how I got lost, or lost my memory… can't decide which, and then I met you guys, and you thought it would be interesting to, since you know a little about Poker, play a little game with the Master. Or something along those lines. I don't know, I really prefer making things up as I go along."

Kaiba sighed and shook his head. "Yeah. Wonderful. I'll take care of it. And I'm staying with the machine. If there's any sign of threat for me or Wheeler, we're leaving on the spot."

"Aw, don't be so cold to your twinner. At least promise you'll come rescue me if I get caught."

Kaiba stuck a finger in front of B.'s face. "We owe you nothing. You just turn up one day and start playing with our lives, and now you want me to show you mercy? Fat chance. Even helping you is more kindness than you deserve."

B. pouted. "Booo. You're so boring. Sometimes it baffles me to think we are the same person. Alright, let's go then, my pretties."

"Yeah, well, it baffles me all the damn time."

Joey felt his knuckles itch. "Can I hit him just once?"

"Oh, is Puppy speaking again? I'd give you a doggy biscuit if I had one. Here. Shake." He held out his hand to Joey. Joey punched him on the head.

"Hey, would you two stop with all the violence?"

Kaiba crossed his arms. "Says the guy who almost gave me a concussion."

"Er… right. What are we still doing here anyway? Oh, don't forget to control your voices so you won't sound like us. Though the way my Puppy speaks is… well, you'll see." B. rung the intercom and inhaled deeply. "EXCUUUUSE MEEE. IS THE MASTER HOOOME?"

Kaiba scowled. "Agh. Does he have to do things like that wearing my face?"

Joey put his hands on his shoulders to try and comfort him. "Just think it's almost over."

Kaiba surprised him by taking one of his hands and holding it between them. Then he whispered in his ear again, to make sure B. wouldn't hear: "That means soon you'll be all mine."

Before Joey could even think about whether his brain was actually melting or not, or if the Kaibas had switched place somehow, a group of guards showed up and surrounded them. B. flashed a fierce smile.

"Game on."

**TBC**


	11. No, Mr. Bond. I expect you to dine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh, so that's where the wigs were from.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on tumblr, Leviphiliac. Though I'm sorta on hiatus right now, I think

**11\. No, Mr. Bond. I expect you to dine.**

"Well, well, well. So my little lost lamb has decided to come home. And he brought some… unusual friends with him." The master was wearing a weird metallic crown-shaped contraption. Kaiba remembered about how he had an immunity device against the sense disruptor. He was also wearing clothes that resembled royal garment. Very douchey-like. His voice was also a bit different from Joey's. Kaiba couldn't pinpoint exactly why at the moment.

_Dog and lamb. What is with these two and animals? Fucking weirdoes._  Kaiba decided on a polite manner of speaking, as to add to the character he had in mind. He did his best to show a pleasant smile that distanced himself miles from the other Kaiba, while trying on a very gentle voice. "Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Kyosuke Kiryu, and this is my partner, Yusei Fudo." Joey's stomach did a flip-flop at the word  _partner_. "We come from Crash Town." He held out his hand to the pompous Master Joey Wheeler, who took it after a moment of examining both boys.

"Crash Town? I haven't heard of it, it must be really far from here. What a pleasure to receive visitors from so far away. How do you find our Domino City?"

"Ah, it's very beautiful. Our little town has nothing on it."

"I'm glad you liked it. And your relations with my dear Kaiba here are…?"

"Well, it seems he was travelling and got himself lost. We found him on our doorstep, begging for water and a plate of food. Of course we took pity on him and accommodated him until he was ready to return to his own home." He looked at B., who apparently was trying to kill him with his eyes. He repeated the pleasant smile. "It also seems he has a mild case of amnesia. He really was an enigma to us for a while, until he started screaming about 'Master' and 'Domino' constantly in his sleep, and that's what finally led us here."

"Oh, I see." He turned towards B. "So my little lamb really was lost. Well, what do you say we let our guests rest while you tell me of your adventures, my dearest Kaiba? Memoryless or not, I'm sure you have plenty to tell."

B. pleaded silently with his sane counterpart.  _It's your show now, Nice Me. And if you don't get me out of it, I'll eat you and both dogs alive._

"Ah, there is another reason though, that we decided to come see you. I don't know if there are any formalities I should be aware of, but I'm here to duel you, Master."

The Master turned to look at him, his smile faltering for a second. "Really? That's wonderful! I haven't had a challenger in weeks; I was starting to think they'd given up. So, are you any good?"

Kaiba shrugged."I've won most of the championships in the Crash Town area. But soon the challenge began to die down and I found myself bored. Then what little Mr. Kaiba remembered about you was that you were a most skillful player. And that got my interest in the game to rise again."

"Well, then he remembered correctly. Though I must warn you, before you say the magic words, about the consequences."

Kaiba feigned ignorance. "Oh? Enlighten me."

To his surprise, the Master explained the rules the same way B. had, without concealing or altering anything. "So, still up for it, Mr. Kiryu?"

Kaiba managed to come up with an even more pleasant smile than before. "Of course. Master, I challenge you to a duel."

"Magnificent." They shook hands to seal the deal. "But you really should rest, though. And get… acquainted with my humble abode. We'll leave the duel for tomorrow. Mr. Muto will show you to your room." He got up and motioned for that world's Yugi to join them.

Kaiba got up as well and bowed his head almost imperceptibly. "Thank you."  _What a pompous ass_. He extended his hand to Joey who was still sitting on the familiar, but still not quite the same couch. He looked mortified as he stared at his counterpart. "Come."

He was also stupefied at Kaiba's ability to come up with that whole story in such short time. He just hoped the attention wouldn't turn towards him, as he was sure he couldn't keep up with that level of making things up on the spot. As he got up to take Kaiba's hand, the Master stopped in front of him. He stared at a warped version of his own face.

"How about you, Mr. Fudo? Do you play Poker as well?"

'Mr. Fudo' paled, but before he could even think of something to say, 'Mr. Kiryu' came to his rescue. "He has a voice condition, so he doesn't speak much. Excuse him, please."

"A voice condition, huh? How unfortunate. Oh well. One of my servants will call you for dinner. Now you come with me, dear Kaiba."

B. stared daggers at Kaiba again.

"It might be rude of me to ask, but couldn't you please leave him with us for a while? We've grown so fond of him these past few days he spent with us, so I don't see anyone more suitable to show us around. That is, if he remembers the place, of course."

"Yes! Yes! As soon as we got here I seemed to remember perfectly about this place. It's almost as if I lived here most of my life."

The Master pouted slightly. "…Fine. You can go with them." He grabbed B. by the hem of his pants and pulled him towards him to whisper in his ear. "Your punishment can wait a little longer."

B. just smiled like he didn't know what he was talking about and went with Yugi and the other two.

The Master poured some bourbon to himself while he watched them climb the stairs. "Amnesia my ass. Oh well, you won't escape from me again. Devlin, my room."

oOo

Joey couldn't stop staring at the other Yugi in front of him. He looked just like his friend. Well, of course he did, but what impressed him is that he really seemed like the exact same person. Not a twisted copy, like Kaiba's and his.

"Would you like separate rooms or just one?"

"Just one will be fine."

"Here it is then." He smiled such a 'Yugi' smile that Joey had to fight the urge to reply, 'Thanks, Yug'!' None of the Kaibas replied either. They entered and locked the door.

"Why did—"

"Shh." Both Kaibas shushed him at the same time. B. opened a drawer and grabbed a notepad and a pen. He wrote:

_The room is probably bugged. Don't say anything that could accuse you._

_Kaiba: Wheeler, don't say anything at all. Remember what I said about your voice._

_Joey: This will be such a pain…_

_Kaiba: Yeah, what with you being a chatterbox and all._

_Joey: Hey!_

_Kaiba: Let's just rest like he wanted us to. And later you can show us around, little lamb._

B. scratched Kaiba's last line and drew a huge dong.

_Kaiba: We're going to lie down. If you try to approach the bed, I'll hand you to your master._

_B.: He is NOT my master and never will be._

_Kaiba: Whatever. Don't come near us._

_B.: Yeah, yeah._

He sat on the windowsill and started doing a crosswords puzzle that he had also found on the drawer. Joey was in bed already. He had removed the wig and the sunglasses and just lay there, as if he didn't have a care in the world. Kaiba sighed and lay beside him, after removing his own accessories.

"Tired, 'Yusei'?"

Joey wanted to ask where had he gotten those names from, but he just shook his head.

"So? Did you like it here?" He winked at Joey and lowered his voice. "You can whisper in my ear if you want to. I'm sure your voice will be fine like this."

Joey felt his face on fire when he got closer to Kaiba's ear. "Back then you said—"

"I don't think we should discuss… important matters here. This can wait until we're back home. I know. Why don't we do something else, since you can't speak?"

He instantly heard a sound like a magazine being hastily closed, and B. had turned towards them, just in time to see Joey blush even harder. "Now we're talking!"

"Turn back."

"I keep saying, you're no fun at all!" He whined, mumbling something or other about mean people who didn't even let him watch, but returned to his crosswords.

Kaiba wrote something on a paper and threw at him, hitting B.'s head with it before he caught it.

_I was nice enough to let you come with us, so stay fucking put. I'll know if you're looking; I'll push you from this window._

He returned his attention to Joey, lowering his voice. "I won't do anything, though. If you want it, you do it."

Joey was embarrassed, sure, but nothing compared to that first time they kissed. At least now his mind was clear since there wasn't a maniac toying with it. Even if said maniac was still in the room with them, he found he didn't mind being an exhibitionist with such an opportunity on his lap. He touched Kaiba's face softly and placed an even softer kiss on his lips. Seeing as Kaiba really wasn't doing anything to help him out, he kissed him again. And again. And two more times until he managed to keep his lips on Kaiba's and deepen the kiss. He felt like butterflies were partying in his stomach.

He caressed Kaiba's hair, while tentatively reaching for one of his arms with the other hand, and positioned the arm around himself. When he finished the kiss, he tried kissing his neck, but Kaiba halted him.

"I think that's enough for now. Take a nap if you want to. I'll keep an eye on… things."

"Okay." He leaned on Kaiba's shoulder and fell asleep almost instantly.

"How boring, you didn't even do anything."

"Just shut up." Kaiba tried to solve complicated math problems in his head, trying to remember why exactly he had started something they wouldn't be able to finish. Right, trying to get Joey to come out of the shell. Well, at least it worked.

B. flawlessly completed the puzzle using only sexual terms, including also  _Die Devlin Die_  in the middle.

TBC

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I have a thing for people sitting on windowsills. It always looks so… gloomy and beautiful.
> 
> The Master's royal garment... yeah, kinda of a jab at Kaiba's clothes in season 0/beginning of manga, but ugh, he was pretty douchey. Not that the Kaiba we all know and love isn't but still... agh, you know what I mean.
> 
> For all purposes, a wig and a pair of sunglasses make the perfect disguise, just like in every anime, movie, show, etc that you've ever seen.
> 
> You Say x Kitty-u *noms*
> 
> ~Omake~
> 
> Joey suddenly had a moment of realization. He got his Duel Monsters deck from his pocket and fished out a card.
> 
> Joey: So you like lambs, huh? Have a look at this!
> 
> He played the Scapegoat card in attack mode. Even if it was a spell card and he couldn't do that.
> 
> Master: That's… that's the most adorable thing I've ever seen! I demand you give it to me!
> 
> Joey: Only if you let me be the Master.
> 
> (ex) Master: Done!
> 
> And so, Joey Wheeler beat the mighty Master.
> 
>  
> 
> (btw I expect everyone to read these omake with the characters chibified. I so wish I could draw...)


	12. Lost Boys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The plot thinnens. Thickens! I meant thickens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me in hell ~ http://leviphiliac.tumblr.com

**12\. Lost Boys**

"Just how long is Sleeping Beauty planning on sleeping anyway? If you want me to show you around, we should do it before dinner. If I remember correctly, after dark the back gets filled with bats, and I hate bats."

Kaiba took the piece of paper and wrote:

_Settle down, it's not like I don't know the place. And what's this about bats? I don't have any bat infestation problem in my house._

_B.: There's no bats. But we need to do a surveillance to find out if we can trade the decks easily._

_Kaiba: …You're right. For once._

He shook Joey awake, and they left for a tour after carefully replacing their accessories. Kaiba kept the paper they used to communicate in his pocket, in case someone decided to snoop in on the room.

B. gleefully showed them around, and Kaiba feigned awe here and there to the eyes he felt all around them. There were security guards in every corner; trading the decks would be hard work.

There was something biting at the back of his mind ever since the whole thing with the crazy one started. It would always dissipate because the maniac always had some lunacy or other to say, but now it came back at full force.

"There is one thing I've been meaning to ask you."

"Yes, I  _will_  do you whenever you want." Joey growled at him. "Shush, Puppy. I'll do you too."

"Be serious for a minute. Where's… where's Mokuba?"

"I'm sorry, who?"

Kaiba halted, causing Joey who was following close behind him to crash on his back. "Wh-what do you mean who? Your brother! MY brother!"

"What are you talking about? I don't have a brother."

"OF COURSE YOU HAVE A BROTHER!" Joey pulled insistently on his sleeve to get him to calm down so they wouldn't call attention to themselves. "This world doesn't seem that much different from mine. And if I have a brother, then you must have too. You are also called Kaiba. Weren't you adopted by Gozaburo?"

"Yes, he adopted me. He used to visit the orphanage I lived in and once I challenged him to a game of Poker. I beat him and got him to adopt me. He was the national champion, you know."

"And? Weren't you on the orphanage with your younger brother?"

"No… I was there by myself."

Kaiba leaned against a wall, with his hands on his head. Joey gently stroked his arm, wishing he could speak. But even if he could, he wasn't sure of exactly what to say in that moment.

"This… this doesn't make any sense. How can… how can…" Joey couldn't take it anymore and tried to speak with a low voice.

"Calm down. Maybe… maybe things happened differently. Maybe your – his mother never had Mokuba here. What if she died before she had him?"

"Hmm? What did you say, Puppy? My mother didn't die."

Kaiba looked at him as if he had grown another head. "What? Didn't she die in a car crash along with father?"

"Mmmm… no, not to my knowledge. And I never saw any father besides Gozaburo. But my waste of space of a mother dropped me at the orphanage and left. She was a druggie. She did try to contact me after I became filthy rich, but my lawyers advised me against it. And I didn't have any interest in her anyway." He spoke cheerfully, but they could see he wasn't being totally truthful.

Neither Kaiba nor Joey could think of anything to say. They were too perplexed to express anything but a dull, slightly pitiful look.

"Aw, you don't have to feel sorry for me. That bastard Gozaburo was a blast! We had some great times together."

"Wh-wh… Gozaburo was… nice?"

"Well, I wouldn't say 'nice' exactly, since he would kick my ass whenever I lost a game, but it was thanks to him that I came to be the Master. And also why I know so many dirty jokes; he'd tell me one each night before bed, instead of a bedtime story. Well, I don't think he knew exactly how to deal with five-year olds. Oh, you guys made me think about that old turd. Okay, you can show pity now." He pretended to wipe tears from the corners of his eyes.

It took a little while for Kaiba to recover from all those revelations, but when he did, something came up to him. "Wait. You said you were five when Gozaburo adopted you?"

"Yes. I was four when she left me there, and I spent one year playing orphan."

"So that's it then!"

"What is?"

"The whole orphanage thing happened way before with you. Mokuba… he hadn't been born yet. But then she had him when you were five, probably around the time you left the orphanage. You have a little brother, you crazy prick! How's that for a 'I'm your father'-type revelation?"

"I… I do? B-but… but where was he?"

"What?"

"Where was he, your brother, in your world?"

"Oh, I had him go to a safe-house, around the time things started to get strange. Didn't want to expose him to you."

"Oh, c'mon! I'm totally big brother material. By the way, how come you hate Star Wars so much and know all the quotes from it?"

Kaiba sighed. "Mokuba makes me watch all the movies with him every once in a while."

"Wow. I hope I get to watch them with  _my_  little brother too. I have a little brother! Mokuba. Hm. I wonder if I should call him Mokie… Hey, I do vaguely remember seeing a little boy with long hair once, when I first started showing up there, was that him?"

Kaiba smiled fondly, suddenly missing his brother. A lot. "Yeah."

oOo

They were back in the room. A man they had never seen before had warned them dinner would be served in ten minutes. Joey grabbed the paper from Kaiba's pocket, taking the opportunity that B. was in the bathroom.

_Are you sure you should be saying these things to him? What if his mother really didn't have Mokuba?_

_Kaiba: No, she did. He exists here too. I know he does._

_Joey: How?_

_Kaiba: I… can't explain. Can you imagine a world without your sister? I'm pretty sure she's around here somewhere as well._

_Joey: Serenity… I hope she's okay._

B. left the bathroom, and Joey shoved the paper back in Kaiba's pocket.

"You know, I feel… renovated. I can't quite elaborate…" He pointed to the bugs he had found behind one picture and under the carpet. "…But I think good things await us. Such as… dinner! Is it ready yet?"

"In about five minutes I guess." Kaiba pointed to one on the ceiling lamp and another stuck to the footboard of the bed. Joey just gaped, marvelled with their investigation skills.

"Wonderful. I'm starving. Oh, in case you get bored after dinner, I'll leave this for you." He handed Kaiba the crosswords.

Kaiba folded the thin booklet and tucked it in his pocket, along with the other secrets. After hearing a soft knock on the door, they left for dinner.

oOo

At the table, the Master showed more of his foppish and smug manners. Until, to Joey's delight, he got a call from Serenity. Apparently she wanted him to "come home". She insisted to the point he got annoyed.

"Alright already! Give it a rest, eh? I'll see you when I see you." He hung up the phone a bit flustered and ordered the butler to fill up his glass. "Sisters, eh. What you gonna do."

B. seemed completely thrilled, while Kaiba just watched without really understanding why the Master's affected behaviour had vanished all of a sudden, and now he sounded like  _his_  Joey. Yes, he allowed himself to think it; he just didn't want to say it out loud. Even the voice was the same now, and Kaiba realised he changed his voice like that while trying to conceal a certain accent.

Joey looked appalled.  _I… I sound so stupid!_

oOo

Just as they were about to go back to the room, the Master grabbed B.'s arm. "Sorry folks, but I reeeeally need him now. With me, chief." He sounded vaguely inebriated.

He tried to plead with Kaiba again, but this time there was no way around it.

TBC

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the record, I don't think Joey sounds stupid at all, I find the whole Brooklyn thing super cute, even if it doesn't make the least bit of sense. Well, nothing makes sense in the 4Kids version... but it's fun nonetheless. Now Katsuya Jounouchi … hmmm that's one sexy boy…
> 
> B. in a bucket hat and aviators, and a cigarette holder on his lips: "We can't stop here, this is bat country!"
> 
> Ladies and germs, I advise you to fasten your seat-belts, as we'll be experiencing some rising in the ratings. Thank you for your cooperation.


	13. In a Darkened Room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They do say love and hate walk together ...don't they?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, totally see the notes at the end, concerning the uh, smut.

**13\. In a Darkened Room**

After locking the door, Kaiba got the crossword puzzle from his pocket. He skipped the first page full of expletives (he noticed some he didn't even know) and came across B.'s message.

_In case I don't survive the night, this is my will. I want my beautiful and perfect body to be cryogenically preserved until they find a cure for whatever it is that killed me. It'll most likely be some sort of dodgy S &M play, I'm sure. Okay, overly long jokes aside, I've talked to Muto from the window. Well, it was mostly sign language, but I'm pretty sure he's willing to help. I told him you would be talking to him, so see if you can find out where he stands. He gets here 5 a.m. And don't do anything I would! Oh, who am I kidding. BANG HIM! (I mean Puppy, not Muto. Ew.)_

Instead of a signature, he finished the note with a detailed doodle of a threesome between them both and Joey. Kaiba quickly stuck the thing back inside his pocket before Joey could see it.

_Kaiba: It seems Yugi can help us, if we need help with something, that is._

_Joey: I knew it! He looks just like our Yugi!_

_Kaiba: Well, duh. And I don't have any 'Yugis', keep him to yourself._

_Joey: You know what I mean! And by 'look just like him', I meant he didn't look… I don't know the word I'm looking for. But he seemed like the exact same person._

_Kaiba: Hn. How so? Didn't pay much attention._

_Joey: Let me put it like this: you know how you and B. are completely different? This Yugi and the Yugi from our world didn't seem different at all!_

_Kaiba: Okay, I get it. Bottom line is, he might be helpful, we'll talk to him tomorrow._

_Joey: Kaiba…_

_Kaiba: What? What is it? You don't have to pause dramatically like that while we're writing._

_Joey: What about your mother?_

_Kaiba: What about her? She died when I was little. So what?_

_Joey: No, I mean… the one here…_

_Kaiba: Don't confuse things, Wheeler. She's_ his _mother. I don't really remember much, but my mother was never a drug addict._

_Joey: Yeah, but still…_

Kaiba took the paper and put it in his pocket. "Enough of this. Aren't you tired?"

Joey shook his head with a pained expression. Kaiba sighed.

"Of course you're not, you slept through the whole afternoon. And don't give me that face or you're sleeping on the floor."

Joey rolled his eyes and began to get ready for bed. When Kaiba put his own coat on top of his clothes, he pointed to their things and the door, trying to convey,  _what if they manage to open the door and find out we're not who we said?_  Luckily, he was pretty good at mimic.

"Yeah, about that…" Kaiba took a screwdriver from one of his boots and wedged it in the lock.

Joey mimicked,  _why in the hell do you carry a screwdriver in your boot?_

Kaiba smiled at him. "Why indeed." He took off his clothes, staying only in his underwear and climbed on the bed. Joey got momentarily shocked, since it was the first time he saw him wearing so little. "Aren't you getting ready? You're might not be tired, but I'm dead." He yawned a totally fake yawn.

That took Joey out of his shock, and in five seconds he was undressed and under the covers.

"On second thought, I think I'm not that tired. If you want to continue from where we left off this afternoon, I'm all up for it."  _In more ways than one,_ he thought.

Joey took the words literally, and in a moment they were back in the same position as earlier, and he kissed Kaiba's neck. Now that they were alone, and in the dark, he felt considerably bolder, placing open mouthed kisses on his neck and running his hands through his chest and stomach.

As glad as he was that Joey's shyness was finally fading, Kaiba decided to take part on the fun; just lie there and do nothing wasn't his thing. He pulled Joey towards him and kissed him hard. He tried to roll them and be on top, but Joey wrestled him and stood his ground. Kaiba was amused.  _As much as I hate to admit it, that B. idiot was right. He_ is _feisty._

Running his fingers lightly over Joey's sides, he quickly found a weak spot, and when Joey shuddered and moaned, he successfully rolled them over. He kissed him again, slow and thoroughly, while his hands searched for the same spot that had made him moan moments ago. The more those sexy noises came out of his mouth, the harder it became for Kaiba to control himself. His hands ventured lower, and in swift movements, he removed Joey's underwear.

Before Joey could even think of protesting (not that he would), Kaiba put one finger over his lips. "We're not going all the way tonight. Let's just have fun."

Joey responded by removing Kaiba's own underwear.

"That's the spirit." He bit on the inviting neck below him, and while his tongue occupied itself with an equally inviting ear, he snaked a hand between them and brought their erections together.

Joey hissed, biting back a loud moan, and his hands grabbed what was nearest to them: Kaiba's butt. Kaiba couldn't help laughing, while his tongue and teeth still played with Joey's ear, but when Joey started removing his hands, he whispered: "I'm not complaining. It's just that… I never had someone grabbing my ass with so much gusto before. Well, not that anyone actually ever dared to grab my ass."

So Joey left his hands in place, squeezing occasionally when Kaiba's hands made him feel particularly too good. Minutes later, he decided that Kaiba panting sensually in his ear was the most beautiful sound he'd ever heard.

After they both reached climax, they were too tired to do anything about the mess between them, and fell asleep almost instantly.

oOo

"So you're amnesiac then, you bastard?" The Master locked the door behind them.

B. smiled a fake embarrassed smile. "Hmm… maybe?"

"Right. Strip."

"What? Shouldn't we get to know each other first?"

"You kidding me? You stink. Go take a bath. I'll wait here. Huh, just felt a déjà vu for some reason. Wonder why. And don't you worry about falling off the bathroom window. The new safety bars will prevent that."

What he wanted the most at the moment was to slap and kiss, and then slap again that smug face in front of him, but B. just smiled and started to strip. "As you wish."

He couldn't deny that the hot bathtub in front of him felt like a wonderful idea, since he didn't remember the last time he'd seen one; so he bathed, washed his hair, and got mentally ready for whatever awaited him. He looked around after he was done. "Hey, uh, Master? I don't see any towels."

"Don't worry about it, just get over here. Like I ain't never seen your sweet ass a thousand times, right?"

_Shit. I can't submit to him just like that. But… what choice do I have?_

None. The window was indeed barred, and his clothes had magically vanished while he bathed, so he left the bathroom in his birthday suit. Looking like he did, he had no reason to be embarrassed anyway. Sweet ass and all that.

The Master awaited him with a smile and a towel. "Crazy bastard. I looked all over town for you."

"What? You missed me that much? I've only been gone for a few months."

"Oh, so we're dropping the amnesia bullshit then? What about those two who came with you, are they up to something?"

"No, no. I feigned amnesia to them so they could come here and you would get another two loyal servants. Don't I deserve a reward?"

"Oh, you'll get something alright. I'll give you all kinds of something."

"Umm… as trepidating as your words sound, I like you so much more when you're like this."

"What the hell are you talking abo— oh, hell. I'm speaking like I used to, ain't I? I guess talking to Serenity does that. Eh, whatever. I'll be me again tomorrow." He finished drying B. up and pushed him on the bed.

"This is you.  _Your_  Master is just a persona you created to get back at me."

"No, no, no. Don't you go analysing me when you're the one who needs a shrink. Or a lobotomy." He took off his own clothes and climbed on the bed. "Getting back at you? That begins now. Look what I fished from your toy-box." He showed him a pair of plush handcuffs. "Hands on the headboard, former Master."

B. promptly did so; his libido was his greatest enemy. And he could never beat the Master in a struggle, since he wasn't as strong as his other self.  _Oh, what the hell, consider yourself lucky, Puppy. I'll give you a treat. Just for tonight._

The Master cuffed him to the headboard. "You don't have your little gizmo no more, huh? And even if you did you wouldn't be able to use it right now. I can take this shit off." He removed his crown and set it on the nightstand. "Now, you like tormenting me so much, let's see how you fare on the other side of the handcuffs. I waited a long time for this, my dear Kaiba."

_What? He doesn't understand that… could it be possible that he never understood how I really felt? I mean, sure I tormented him, but that's because I'm so crazy about him and he wouldn't… oh stop thinking and start speaking, you idiot!_ "Puppy, don't you know that I—"

The Master held a hand over his mouth. "Don't you call me that. And 'the sex toy is to be quiet while the Master plays with it', remember?"

"Yes, but I only said that because—"

"Shut up!" The Master slapped him. "You talk when I say you talk. You do remember there's a ball gag somewhere, don't you?"

_I only said that because you kept yelling how much you hated me._

The Master gave a hard pinch and twist to both of B.'s nipples at the same time, eliciting a pained yet aroused moan from him.

_Ah, no. Stand low, maso tendencies. I don't need you right now._

"Needy bitch. Look what else I got. Your favourite lube." It was strawberry flavoured, and he had always found it sickening, but pouring some on his fingers now, it smelled like the most delicious thing in the world. He immediately shoved two fingers in the boy beneath him. "It ain't your first time on this side anyway, is it? The way you talked to me about how good it would feel when you were doing it to me tells it all."

B. didn't say anything until the Master said he could speak. "Well, I do have a plethora of toys, you know." While that wasn't a lie, it wasn't the whole truth either, but he didn't think he wanted to exasperate the Master even more.

"Heh, should've guessed that you wouldn't think anyone was good enough for your precious booty."

_Eh, not really, but you don't need to know that._

He pushed and scissored his fingers inside B., pissed off that he seemed to be enjoying it. He withdrew his fingers and entered him in one thrust, glad to hear at least some pain in the grunt that came from him. "Gonna make sure you'll be walking funny tomorrow. Hell, I could barely walk after the first time you were done with me. Didn't you feel sorry for my poor virgin ass?"

"I…"

"Shut up. It was a rhetorical question." He took B. as forcefully as he remembered it being done to him, pinching and biting his nipples and sucking on his neck, and B. endured it all without a sound.

_That's how I show my love, Puppy. Though I honestly don't remember being this rough to you._

"Sorry", he whispered.

"'Sorry' ain't gonna cut it, pal. This is all your nights from now on."

_Unfortunately for you, it isn't, Puppy._

It took him a while, but when the Master finally came, he realised with a start that he wasn't feeling as fulfilled as he thought he would be. He started laughing. "Son of a bitch. You really did it, didn't you?"

"Wha—"

"Sorry, but I can't have you gloating and throwing it in my face." He pulled out of B., got a rag from the drawer and tied it around his mouth. B. was so worn out he barely paid attention to what he was saying.  _Oh, great. Not only does he fuck me like a quoll, now he's going to gag me. What in the hell is he going to do now that I would have to be gagged for? Fistfuck me?_

"Don't you worry, bastard. You'll enjoy this next part quite a lot." He squeezed some lube on a finger and thrust it inside himself.

B. widened his eyes.  _Oooh… say what?_

"Yeah, that's right. I want it. Fuck, I need it. It's a good thing you didn't come, huh?"

_I don't believe this, Puppy. You're really going to…_

He finished preparing himself and climbed over B., taking his erection in hand. "Fuck you, Kaiba." He lowered himself slowly, shuddering all the way. "Fuck you, you son of a bitch. Ah… fuck you so very much."

_Ah, never thought I'd get to feel you again. So good…_  The Master rode B. to his heart's content, moaning and cussing, completely lost in it. Tired or not, handcuffed or not, B. did his best to give him what he unbelievably wanted. He couldn't stop thrusting up even after he came.

"Fuck… you." The Master came as well, then suddenly kissed him over the rag and fell asleep on top of him.

_Uh… okay, what the hell just happened?_

_And… am I going to have to sleep like this?!_

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SPOILERS
> 
> Alright, so it's Kaiba x Joey softcore here, and all the way Master x B. x Master with a little bit of bondage and rough play. Yeah. You read that right.
> 
> And this will be the only warning, by the way. Now you know naughty stuff is bound to happen from this point on :)
> 
> END OF SPOILERS
> 
> So… Kaiba's buttocks… they never seem to appear in any fanfic I read, so I decided to make them show up here :D you're welcome.
> 
> And no, B. doesn't stand for Bastard either.
> 
> If there's someone on the other side of those bugs, they probably have a nosebleed right now…
> 
> The 'fucked like a quoll' thing came from an article I read about animals with violent mating rituals. The little bugger was the first on the list. You can check it out at the Oddee website. If you dare. Dun, dun, dunnn…
> 
> I did write a little sidestory about B. and the (not then) Master's first meetings, and I'll post it when the time's right.


	14. That was then and this is now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yugi explains stuff.

**14\. That was then and this is now**

Kaiba shook Joey's shoulder. "Hey. Wake up. Wake up!"

"Mmmnnn oh no she's a boy…"

He stopped and stared. "I  _really_  don't wanna know about your fucked up dreams. Now wake up!"

"Guh? Where am I?"

"Do you always wake up this lost? We're in the other me's world, did you forget it already?"

"Oh yeah, we're in the other me's world. And we…" He noticed their state of undress and smiled lazily. "Oh thank god. I was afraid that was part of the dream too."

"No, but you seemed to be dreaming about a hermaphrodite, which I'm sure you've noticed I'm not." He licked Joey's face and got up. "Put your clothes on, we've got work to do."

Joey didn't move. "Wha— you don't… you don't just lick someone's face and start to get dressed like it was nothing!"

"What do you want me to do? You probably have morning breath right now, I don't wanna kiss you."

"That's not the point! Hey! I'm talking, I'm not supposed to talk! Why am I talking?"

"Don't worry about it. I disconnected all of the bugs while you were sleeping." He finished getting dressed, without forgetting the wig and sunglasses, and looked at the bed. "You haven't moved."

"I… I was just thinking about… stuff." This time he got up and started getting dressed.

"Right. I forgot you can't think and do something else at the same time."

"Ugh, shut up." After putting on his wig, he stared at his hands and started grinning uncontrollably. Kaiba stopped by his side and stared with him.

"My ass is that great, huh? Glad I could help you achieve this level of happiness."

Joey turned red and pushed him away, running to the bathroom to wash his mouth with some toothpaste, careful not to wash where Kaiba had licked. He went back to what he had been thinking just then. If Kaiba was still naked when he woke him up, and he had disconnected all the bugs before, then that meant he did it while butt-naked. For some reason, the thought of Kaiba going around in the room disconnecting bugs with his butt in the air seemed extremely delightful to him. He grinned again, completely pleased with the world, and left.

He passed his arms around Kaiba and pulled him for a kiss. "See? Deliciously minty."

Kaiba pushed him against the wall and kissed him again. "I'm just pleased that you're doing it. Now come on." He opened the door and left.

Agreeing with Kaiba's observation over his now practically nonexistent bashfulness, he brought up his good-morning-world grin once again and followed him. "Where we going? It's still kinda dark outside."

He locked the door and took the key with him. "We're meeting Yugi, he'll get here in ten minutes. Now stop talking."

oOo

"Mhfhh. Mhhhfhh… ah kn fww mh hms."

"Wah?"

"Ah kn fww mh hms."

As the Master woke up, still sitting on B., memories from the past night dawned on him.  _Fuck. Fuckfuckfuckfuck_.

He got up, feeling quite sore, and quickly got dressed. He talked, with his back turned. "I'll release you if you swear not to say a damn thing about yesterday."

"Ah fwr."

"What? Oh, right." He removed the rag from his mouth.

"I said I swear. Now please release my arms. I think they're dead."

"Yes, yes." He got the keys from the drawer and released B.'s arms, which instantly fell torpid to his sides.

"If I have to get them cut off, you're going to be my hands when I go to the bathroom. And when I'm soloing. And I do that one a lot."

"Don't be so dramatic, the feeling will return soon. But it'll probably sting like a bitch. Oh, well. Sucks to be you."

"Ah! Were you this mean before?"

"No, that was you. Our roles were inverted, remember?"

"Oh, please. I never made you sleep cuffed to the bed."

"Hmm… yeah, you had your magic potion. Except that actually wasn't supposed to happen, but I got so tired after…" He got violently red and ran to the bathroom. "For your information, I was drunk!"

B. snickered, then winced when his arms started to prickle. "Hey, I'm not saying anything. You are."

"Shut up! You're not supposed to say even that!"

"Yeah, yeah."  _Enjoy your last day as the Master, Puppy._

oOo

They left through a window and got to the gates just in time to see Yugi arriving. Kaiba grabbed him, with a hand on his mouth, and pulled him behind a bush where Joey was waiting without the disguise.

"What… Master? What is the meaning of this?"

"I ain't him, Yug'. I'll put it back in case they catch us." He put the disguise back, and Yugi looked at Kaiba.

"You… you're those two from yesterday! And you're Kaiba? What's going on?"

"Listen Yug'. You can't tell no one. We came from… another place. B. brought us to work out the situation with the other me."

Yugi obviously didn't understand anything. "…What?"

Kaiba pushed Joey aside. "Let me try. Your former Master Kaiba invented a machine that could cross worlds. He came to my world and asked me to help him dethrone Wheeler, and that's what we're doing here. He and Wheeler, this one, seem to think you would be on our side if we need help with anything."

"Oh. Of course! You can count on me!"

"…You accept these things pretty easily, don't you?"

"Well, it's either that or believe that I've gone crazy and am currently locked inside a padded cell."

Kaiba thought about that. "That's… a good point. Alright, whatever. The reason we talked to you was because  _he_  wanted us to. To be frank I don't think there's anything you can do. I'm defeating your Master today and giving the post back to him."

"That's great! I really hope everything works out."

Kaiba frowned at Yugi. "Was that nutcase really that better a Master than Wheeler? I mean, Wheeler  _is_  pretty inept, but still..." Joey ignored that, choosing to believe the jab was only directed at his counterpart.

"Eh… well, the fact the he is a nutcase is kind of what made it better. Everybody seems to like that crazy attitude of his, I mean, it was fun. He didn't take everything so seriously like Joey does. And, uh… he paid us better too. With Joey it's obligatory to call him Master and kneel before him. I know it doesn't seem that bad, but trust me, it starts off awkward, then it gets ridiculous and soon it's unbearable. And he… he wasn't like that." He turned towards Joey. "I guess he was pretty much like you, even if a little rougher on the edges."

"Hey, I'm pretty rough too."

Yugi just smiled at him. "I don't know about you, but our Joey has a sister, and she was very sick. He tried everything he could to get money for her operations, mostly things he's not proud to admit. When he thought about challenging Kaiba, Kaiba challenged him. And Joey lost. So he had to… work for Kaiba, and it seems things between them weren't exactly a bed of roses. All the money he got he sent his sister, but suddenly it wasn't enough. Later he found out their father was taking part of the money to gamble. So when the time for the rematch came, by a miracle he won."

Kaiba snorted. "Miracle, shmiracle. He cheated."

Yugi stared at Kaiba in disbelief. "He… cheated? But how? The duel was watched by so many people, and no one saw anything. I remember Kaiba tried to expose him at the time, but they said it sounded so ludicrous that it was obviously a lie."

"It seems he used his dog nose and played a dirty trick. And? Why did he become that pissy prissy that he is now?"

"At first I guess he did it to try to make fun of Kaiba, the way he started acting and talking was supposed to be a mockery of him. Kaiba can be a little pompous too, but it's fun, he himself acts like it's a parody. Then Kaiba escaped before he could, in his words, exact his revenge, and every week, every month that passed and he didn't find him, seemed to ingrain that twisted personality more and more into him. He barely even sees his sister anymore. He said he 'took care' of his father, but don't ask me what that really means, because honestly, I don't want to know. Then he paid for all of her operations. Now she's perfectly healthy, but Joey… isn't. I don't even know if he can go back to the way he used to be." He stopped and looked at his watch. "Oh, shit! I have to go; I'm ten minutes late already!"

Before he left, Joey touched his shoulder. "Hey Yug', where's your Puzzle?"

"Hm? What puzzle, Joey? I never had any puzzle."

Joey let him go with a sad smile. "No. Never mind."

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops... seems the Pharaoh ain't here to save the day this time...


	15. Dopplebanger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I call this one... "the thing. it has been done."

**15\. Doppelbanger**

"Don't even think about trying to escape again. I have snipers with tranquilizing darts all over the place." The Master dressed up in front of a mirror, trying to ignore his goddamn sore ass.

"Don't worry. Since you want me that much, I won't go anywhere." B. looked at his chest. "Oh hey. Purple nurples."

He walked to the bed and slapped B. over the head. "Like hell! I just want you where I can see you at all times to make sure you won't start anything. Now get up already, I want to go get breakfast."

"Uh, but Master sir… I can barely move. How do you expect me to climb down the stairs and sit on a hard chair to eat breakfast after you fucked me with so much zest? My nipples feel like I had a couple of piranhas dangling from them, and my ass hurts so much right now it feels like I've just given birth. And mff—"

Completely red, the Master covered his mouth. "Alright already! Man, you're still the king of dirty talking. You stay here. I'll… I'll get someone to bring you something."

B. smiled. "Thank you, kind Master. You sure know how to take care of your employees." He spoke with as much sarcasm as he could gather, but the way the Master looked at him made him feel strange. "What is it, my dear sir? Do you perhaps want to go another round? If so, I would like to recommend my mouth, or you could do some irreparable—"

"Shut! It!" He got up and opened the door. "And don't make me regret leaving you untied. There are clothes for you in the closet."

B. grabbed his left hand with his right and waved him goodbye weakly. Before the door was completely closed, he yelled: "Actually, forget about breakfast and bring me a ton of pain medicine! And some ointment, just in case you tore something! You know, because you fucked me so hard!"

The Master slammed the door.

oOo

"And Mr. Kaiba?" Kaiba poured himself some coffee.

"Oh, er… he won't be joining us for breakfast. He's feeling a bit under the weather. He did regain his memories though."

"I see."  _Poor bastard_. "And our duel, when will it take place?"

"I was thinking, why don't we make it like in the classics and set it for noon?"

Kaiba actually liked that. "Perfect. I'm looking forward to it."

"Oh, me too, Mr. Kiryu, me too. And we're duelling in the open area on the third floor. I'll ask someone to show you the way."

_Hn. The hangar where I keep my Blue Eyes Jet._  "That would be great, thank you." He noticed the Master kept his deck on himself at all times; it would be almost impossible to make the trade.

They finished breakfast in relative silence, and Joey felt the urge to gouge his eyes out while watching that impossibly irritating version of himself, and the creepy way he looked at 'Mr. Kiryu'.

oOo

While the Master played cards with a couple of guys, just for fun apparently, Kaiba found the opportunity to ask Yugi if he knew where B. was.

"Well, judging by the crude shouting I heard earlier, I think he's in the Master's room. I'll take you there if you want. If someone asks, I was just showing you around."

"Alright, let's go." He turned to Joey. "Wait for me in the room."

Joey tried to protest, but Kaiba only repeated the order. Growling, not unlike a dog, he did as he was told.

Yugi stopped and gestured at the door. "It's here. I'll wait outside."

Kaiba entered and closed the door. B. was lying in bed on his side, while boredly turning the pages of a magazine. The loose sleeve of a pale-blue yukata let quite a few reddish and purple spots on his neck and shoulder on display.

"Isn't it a little late to be in bed?"

"Well, the Master screwed me dead last night. I can't exactly prance around at the moment."

"My condolences."  _Wheeler is never, ever going to be on top_. "I've talked to Yugi Muto, and he really is on our side in case we need it."

"Good to know." He closed the magazine and lay on his back, with his hands behind his head. His badly wrapped yukata left nothing to the imagination. Not that Kaiba wanted to imagine. "I think my Puppy likes me."

"If all these goddamn hickeys are any indication. But didn't you say he hated you? Because of, you know, the lousy way you always treated him?"

"Hmm… maybe all those months without me made him realise what a fine specimen I am. I just wish I could make him believe I feel the same."

"Why don't you let him fuck you another hundred times? I mean, that's what you did, isn't it?"

"Ah, no. This body was made to top, not be topped. You know that. Unless it's you. If it's you, it's okay." He winked coyly. "After all, it would still be Seto Kaiba on top."

"…You can barely move and you're still asking for more? I wonder what would happen if I said yes."

"Nah, it's fine. I took so many pain pills I can barely feel anything. In fact, I think I'm kinda high. So come, come." He patted on the bed beside him.

"You're always high." Kaiba looked like he couldn't make up his mind about something. Moving towards the door to leave, he stopped and threw something to his double. "Here's your toy back. I input another setting to it, but I don't know if it works properly, nor if it'll be of much help. Now you just have to find a way to knock his little crown off."

"Another setting…" He looked at his moe machine. Kaiba had put a stick over 'cute' with the word 'obey'. "Y-you did it? I tried for so long to get to this!"

"Well, it's not really—"

"I'm testing it right now!" B. pressed the button. "Kiss me!"

Kaiba walked towards him and held his chin. "You think I'd let something so dangerous on your hands? Just like the other settings, it only makes a person more compliant to do something they're already willing to do. And as you can see, I don't wanna kiss your narcissistic self. Hn. Maybe I should say  _my_  narcissistic self." He let go of him and once again prepared to leave, but B. grabbed his arm and pulled him, pressing the button again.

"Be nice to me."

"Fucker." He stumbled, resting his hands on the bed, and a second later he was having the most awkward experience of his entire life. When the kiss ended, Kaiba punched his double in the eye. "Try that on me again and I'm sending the Master a life-supply of sex enhancement pills." He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and finally left the room.

B. touched his eye, wincing and grinning. "Totally worth it."

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wonder if B. has seen that "it's okay to have sex with your doppleganger" ad.


	16. Enfant Terrible

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaiba dumps Joey for B. 
> 
> ... should have made that my April Fools joke.

**16\. Enfant terrible**

It's not that he was complaining, he would never complain about something like that, but when Kaiba's tongue refused to leave his mouth, Joey couldn't help but wonder the reason for such a wild attack.

"I… needed it."

"Oh, I see. Couldn't wait for some Joey lovin', huh?"

"Agh, how lame are you? I… he… caught me off guard."

"What?"

"Demented me did. I don't wanna say it."

"You… you kissed him?"

Kaiba scowled, annoyed. "You  _would_  turn this around, wouldn't you?  _He_  k— did it, not me."

"Oh so now you two-time me when I'm not looking? I'm not gonna—"

Kaiba shoved Joey on the bed. "Don't you think you're overreacting just a little? He kissed you twice; if anything, I should be the one who's pissed off. Besides, I got back at him for it."

"Er… well… that…" Kaiba shut him up. After a few minutes, he had a horny smile and a disarrayed wig. "Why were we fighting again?

Kaiba fixed the wig and got up, before things got too hot. "I wasn't fighting with anyone.  _You_  were biting my head off reasonless. You—" He stared at something outside the window, unable to move. "No way."

"Kaiba? What is it?"

"It's… Mokuba!"

oOo

A young boy with a Mohawk highlighted in pink, green and purple was standing at the gates. His clothes were ragged, but sort of stylish. He had a piercing on his nose and another in one ear, both connected with a chain. He seemed unsure about whether or not to ring the intercom. Before he could decide, he felt a hand on his shoulder and turned around with a closed fist. A silver-haired boy stood on the other side of the gate with a slightly shocked expression.

"Mokuba!"

"What? Who are you? How do you know my name?"

"I… can't… look, don't ring the intercom. Go around the block to the back of the house, there should be a loose brick around the left side of the wall somewhere. Wait for me there." The silver-haired boy started running, following the wall to the back of the mansion.

"Wait! Why should I do that?"

The boy stopped and turned around. "Just do it already! I'll explain there."

Mokuba didn't want to do what that highly suspicious individual was telling him, but who knows, anything to postpone challenging the Master.

oOo

While he ran, Kaiba came to the obvious realisation that that wasn't his house; the loose brick most likely wouldn't be there. But he had to speak to Mokuba somehow.

He looked… nothing like his brother. Even shorter and skinnier, not to mention that gaudy Mohawk and ugly piercings. But the feral look in his eyes was the biggest difference.

So that was how they completed each other? Without Mokuba, he would be a demented, lecherous freak, apparently. And Mokuba without him would turn out to be… a delinquent? Well, but of course the fact that he didn't grow up in luxury had added to that.

When he got there, Mokuba was watching him through a small hole on the wall.

"There wasn't any loose brick. I made this hole with a piece of pipe I found. Now what is it? Tell me who you are!"

"You made… never mind. Listen, Mokuba. I am… no. Did you come to challenge the Master?"

"What's it to you?"

"Please tell me."

For some reason, Mokuba felt compelled to tell him. "I… need the money."

"Why? Did something happen to you?"

"Why do I have to tell you? I don't even know who you are."

Kaiba sighed. "My name's… Kiryu. There. Now tell me."

"I doubt that's really your name. It  _screams_  alias."

Okay, so he was bright like his brother. "Just… just tell me and I'll give you this then." He took the deck of Poker cards from his pocket and showed it to Mokuba. "If you know what it is, you know you might get a good deal for it."

Mokuba stared at the deck with wide eyes. "This… this is the Master's deck! Why do you have it? But wait… how do I know it's the real deal?"

Kaiba threw him the deck over the wall. "Check it for yourself."

Mokuba got the deck a moment before it hit him in the head. He was stunned that the other boy just threw it to him, just like that. "Holy shit. You're insane, man!"

Kaiba smiled. "Yeah, maybe I am. Now tell me your story. I don't have much time."

"…Fine, whatever. I'm keeping this."

"It doesn't matter."

"Okay. I need money to put my mom in rehab. And I need a decent place; all these government shithouses I tried did nothing. She would swear she was fine just to fall off the wagon three days later. I need to at least check her in today; I couldn't even wake her up when I left the house. I've never seen her so bad like she is lately. I even made her watch Requiem for a Dream a thousand times, but she laughs and says it's just a movie. Sometimes I feel like punching her so fucking much. Silly old bitch. But if there's one thing you can't do is punch your mother." He finished and took a deep breath.

"I… see. You've really been through a lot. Look, I know you probably won't believe me, but I'll tell you anyway. Do you know the previous Master Seto Kaiba?"

"Yeah, the nutcase. Everyone knows him. He's awesome."

"I'm glad you feel that way because… well, you better sit down for this one. That nutcase is your brother."

"…Ha-ha-ha right. Pull the other one."

"You don't have to believe me right away. I'm here because I'll challenge the Master today, and I'll give the post back to him."

"What? Why would you do that?"

"That's not important right now. The thing is, he knows about you, and he really wants to meet you. When he's the Master again, he'll be able to help you with whatever you need."

"…That would be the greatest news of my life if it was true, but there's no way in hell I can believe you."

"Why would I make this up?"

"I don't know, to fuck with me?"

"I gave you the deck!"

"I… you gotta know how fantastic this sounds, man. Sorry for not believing."

"Fine. Let's make a deal then. You go back home today and make do with the money you'll get from the deck. By tomorrow your brother will be Master again, and he can talk to you. Just come back tomorrow and he'll explain everything to you."

Mokuba thought about the proposition for a while. "Okay. I'll do it. I'll come back tomorrow. And if you're just fucking with me I'll make you feel sorry."

Kaiba smiled. Seeing his little brother speaking like that was disturbing, but strangely adorable on some weird level. "Deal. Now get the hell out of here."

As he watched Mokuba go through the hole on the wall, his smile slowly faded.  _Wonderful_.

TBC

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~Omake (?)~
> 
> Alright, eh… I seem to have forgotten to delete this bit, "You know that." from the previous chapter, when the Kaibas were talking. That was part of a deleted scene that I removed from the story because it kinda… deviated from the subject. A lot. But I still have it right here if you're interested… it's mostly a monologue by our resident crazy boy B. about his… genitalia. Yes. Here you go.
> 
> "Ah, no. This body was made to top, not be topped. You know that. Unless it's you. If it's you, it's okay."
> 
> "I know? What do you mean by that?"
> 
> "Well…" He opened his yukata, exposing himself completely. "Have you ever seen a dick more magnificent than ours? I mean just look at this beauty. He was born to explore, not to be left aside. He likes… he likes to go on adventures, to discover uncharted territories. To mine on really tight caves." He stroked himself softly, with a loving smile. "He was my first best friend, always cheering me up when I was down. You know, before the Puppy showed up, I never thought I would love someone as much as I love him. But then we met and things got even more interesting. So what do you say we take the expression 'playing with yourself' to a whole new level?" He turned to his double, but the one standing there was Yugi, with a completely horrified look on his face.
> 
> "Um, Kaiba could you please cover yourself?"
> 
> "Muto? What are you doing here? Where's… uhh… Kiryu?"
> 
> "He… left a while ago. I just came back here because I heard you speaking. And now really I wish I hadn't."
> 
> "What? Are you saying this dick isn't spectacular? If I could reach it with my mouth, I'd blow myself all day long."
> 
> Yugi slammed the door.


	17. Heart of the Underdog

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I know how many chapters this thing has now. It's actually 24 instead of 25, but there's the bonus April Fools chapter as well.  
> I don't have anything stupid to say at the moment, sorry(?) Enjoy the duel~

**17\. Heart of the Underdog**

Joey had been restlessly walking from one corner of the room to the other when Kaiba came back. "Where were you? It's almost time for the duel! Did you talk to Mokuba?"

"Yes, he's fine. I told him to come back tomorrow to talk to his brother."

"That's great! Well, let's go, then! We didn't change the decks yet. I'm pretty sure I can do it if you distract him for like half a second. I hope."

"Yeah, there's only one problem. Don't shout. I kind of gave the deck to Mokuba."

"WH—" Kaiba promptly covered Joey's mouth with his hand.

"No shouting, I said. I had to. What's done is done. I'll just beat him with my skills."

"Man, I'm beginning to think insanity is contagious. Why would you do that?"

"I already told you that I had to. Don't push it. Let's just… hope he caught a sudden cold or something."

"I never thought I would have to do this because of you, but…" He hit his forehead with his open hand.

Kaiba rolled his eyes. "Right, whatever. Let's go already."

Yugi was waiting outside the room to take them to the duel area. "Good luck, Ka— Kiryu."

Kaiba just sighed.  _I think I'm gonna need a little more than that._

oOo

There were dozens of people watching. The place was made to look like a large 70s pub, albeit without a roof. There was even a jukebox playing oldies. B. was sitting on a huge round chair that looked fit for a villain. He wore a brand new suit that looked exactly like his old one. Joey sat in a regular chair next to him, trying to shoot laser beams from his eyes. B. paid no mind to him.

Kaiba and the Master met each other in the middle of the room and shook hands. The Master got the deck from his pocket and put it on the table.

"May the best man win." He smiled confidently at Kaiba.

"Always."

Kaiba started playing it safe, and got the lead for a few turns.

"What the hell? Why is he playing like a pussy?" B. was puzzled.

Joey hated that he had to lean closer to him to whisper. "Well… the thing is… I can't explain right now 'cause there's too many people but… he lost the deck."

"WHAT?" When a few people turned to look at him, he lowered his voice. "What the fuck happened?"

"Leave this for later. Now we can only watch and hope to hell he wins."

"Oh, fuck me. He's going to lose, you'll both leave and I'll never walk straight again."

"Eh?"

He sighed. "Nothing, Puppy. Nothing. Watch the duel."

"Why are there so many people here?"

"It's up to the Master if he wants to duel privately or make a spectacle out of it. Guess which my Puppy prefers. Now shut up."

With each turn, Kaiba's piles of chips got smaller and smaller. It took him a lot of self-control not to call the Master a cheating fuck and just walk away from the whole thing. He could smell the faint perfume that emanated from the cards, but how that dog could distinguish one from another bewildered him. The only reason he wasn't angrier was because he could simply grab Joey and return to their world as soon as it was over.

But he did promise his other self he would help him, didn't he? Despite saying he owed him nothing, he knew deep in his heart he couldn't simply abandon him like that. Neither him nor his brother. So he focussed. His only hope was to get the best cards.

_Yugi would tell me to believe in the heart of the cards. Hn. What a load of crap. Even if I did it would probably be useless against the cheating fuck. Oh what the hell. Heart of the cards, I need a King and an Ace of Hearts._

The dealer gave him a King of Hearts and a Two of clubs. 

_Huh. What a bust. That's what I get for thinking nonsense._

By the end, the Master managed to beat him with a simple Flush. He got up and shook his opponent's hand again.

"You were incredible, probably the second most difficult opponent I've ever had. Your style is similar to…" He searched around but didn't find B. "Well, anyway. Welcome to the family!"

Seto Kaiba was never a graceful loser, but he simply shook the hand presented to him and left.

oOo

"Are you okay? What are we gonna do?" Joey met him in the room he was starting to think of as theirs.

"I'm fine. I don't consider it a real duel if the other player is a cheating fuck." He removed the wig and sunglasses and sat on the bed, holding out his arm to Joey. "What do you think we should do?"

Joey went to him and held Kaiba against himself, while he passed his arms around him. "Well… he  _is_  a scumbag, and I'm still pissed at him for kissing you, but… it wouldn't feel right to just abandon him."

"I know. And I promised his brother things would be back to normal tomorrow."

"Why did you give him the deck?"

Kaiba told him the story.

"I see. He needed the money today."

"If I had more time, I would have gone back to our world to get some of my own money, but I didn't."

Joey remained silent for a while, then took Kaiba's hands and brought them to his face. Kaiba thought the action was strange, but didn't say anything. Suddenly he spoke in a surprising low tone of voice.

"Stay here, I'll be right back."

Kaiba raised his head and looked at him, a little stunned, but a little stirred up as well. "Where the hell did that come from?"

"Well,  _he_  speaks with a different voice when he's trying to hide the accent, so I figured I could try too. I was practicing when I was alone. Not being able to speak is such a drag. I could just tell him some days I can speak more than others or some other shit."

"Wait. What are you planning to—"

"Think you're the only one who learned how to play Poker? I might have not looked like, but I paid attention to that psycho's lessons too."

"Don't tell me you're going to challenge him."

"Yep. I've managed to keep the voice this far, I think I got the hang of it."

"But… but his dog nose…"

"Well, I guess you can say it's a Joey Wheeler trait, 'cause I could smell about fifteen different perfumes from your hands."

Kaiba shook his head, pulling Joey down to straddle him. "Idiot. You never even played a single game. Do you really think you can defeat him?"

"Hmm…" Joey tangled his hands in Kaiba's hair. "There's only one way to find out." He kissed him, slowly and passionately, then got up and opened the door. "Every dog has its day, after all."

Kaiba surprised him with one of his very rare laughs.

"Hey, Wheeler."

"What?"

"Don't say that, it's a jinx."

Joey smiled at him before closing the door. "Oh, shut up."

oOo

He found out the Master was still in his old-fashioned pub, celebrating his victory with all the liquor in the world. On the way there, he saw B. speaking secretively with Yugi. When they saw him approaching, Yugi smiled at him and left.

"So, you're still here. What happened, decided to take pity on poor ol' Kaiba and be his partners in haremship? All my work for nothing. Now I have to escape again, make another machine, find yet another dimension, and—"

"Just you wait, you maniac. You're in for a surprise. Nice shiner, by the way. Hadn't noticed it before."

It was probably -100°C in hell right now, as B. actually blushed. "Wh-what happened to your voice?"

Joey simply smiled at him, content with B.'s black eye, content with his decision, and continued to the pub.

oOo

The Master was using a bottle as a telescope and finding it to be the funniest shit ever. As he saw one of his guests approaching, he lowered it, pretending he wasn't stupidly drunk. "Ah, Mr. Fudo. Shouldn't you be consoling your partner at a time like this? Oh, I forgot you can't speak. My apologies."

"Actually, my voice seems to be working just fine today. Master, I challenge you to a duel."

TBC

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *spits cereal* Kaiba lost?!
> 
> Villain chairs are a thing. A beautiful and ridiculously expensive thing. I need one *cries*
> 
> Kaiba believing in the heart of the cards. That's a new rock-bottom for oocness. Officer Trudge from the Fanfiction Police will probably come to arrest me any minute now...


	18. Allons-y!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A long time ago, in an alternate universe far, far away...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's the bonus chapter, originally posted on April Fools. I'm sorry. I'm not sorry.

 

 

**18 - Allons-y!**

While he stared at his two puppies talking, B. imagined a thousand different scenarios that always ended up with none of them being able to walk. When he felt a hand on his shoulder, he instinctively turned his head and licked it.

"Ew. What the fuck?" Kaiba wiped his hand aggressively on his coat.

"Oh. Hey, Nice me. Want to know what I'm thinking about?"

"The answer to this question will always, always be never. Come with me."

"The answer to this... well, it wasn't a question. Whatever. Will always be I'll come wherever you want."

"Hmph." He stopped suddenly to avoid a couple of security guards and B. crashed on his back. "If what I just felt is a boner, I'm gonna punch you again."

"No, no, no. The line is supposed to go, "Is that a fucking light saber in your pocket or you just want me to fuck you?"

Kaiba didn't want to kill his opponent right there in the open, so he decided to ignore him. He pulled him to a pantry and closed the door.

"Hmm... things are suddenly getting interesting." Kaiba held his wrist and pressed a button. A minute later, they were inside his secret lab, and Kaiba removed the sheets that were covering his invention.

B's jaw dropped to the floor as he stared at the blue telephone box in front of him. "I-Is that a... is that a fucking..."

"No time to explain. Come on. It's bigger on the inside."

"I know it's fucking bigger on the inside! That's a..."

"You're saying 'fuck' a lot today. Is something wrong?" Kaiba teased B. as he connected the dimension gadget to the control panel of the alien ship they were in. The thing started making a  _vworp vworp_ sound, and B. thought it was the most beautiful sound in the universe.

"Where are we going? Why are you a Time Lord all of a sudden?"

"I have something to do right now and Wheeler was busy, so you're my companion."

B. didn't ask anything else, and as the ship came to a stop, he wondered if they were going to fight moving mannequins, angel statues or what. But then Kaiba opened the door and they were in a ship. A sailing ship.

"Looks like we're just in time."

A few people were lined up on the deck, and B. noticed some of them were pretty hot. Kaiba pulled him and the two stood between a blonde guy and a black-haired girl. B. tried with all his might not to drool.

"Kaiba! You came!" A boy that looked to be about their age suddenly threw his arms in front of him and they stretched as if they were made of rubber. His hands grabbed the railing beside Kaiba and brought his body along. A gust of wind hurled his strawhat away, and Kaiba grabbed it before it would fly overboard.

"Well, he is my friend after all." He returned the hat to its owner.

"Shh. Here he comes."

Another boy came out of the galley. "Hey, guys. What are you all doing out here?"

The green-haired swordsman started to clap. "Congratulations."

The strawhat boy started to clap. "Congratulations!"

The red-haired girl started to clap. "Congratulations."

The skeleton man started to clap. "Yohohoho! Congratulations!"

The… man in a speedo started to clap. "Supeeer congratulations!"

The black-haired girl and a short reindeer boy started to clap. "Congratulations."

The blond man started to clap. "Congratulations."

Kaiba started to clap and B. followed along. "Congratulations."

The boy (who had a nose that almost made B. blush) smiled with tears in his eyes and started hugging everyone.

After they all finished felicitating the birthday boy, Kaiba turned towards B. and pulled him by the collar. "I suppose I should give you a gift for following along with all of this."

"Oh, fuck yes! So long as you don't punch me again."

As Kaiba leaned closer, it felt like the ship had hit a rock or something and everything fell out of focus.

B. woke up on the floor, startled and mildly disappointed and looked around. He had fallen asleep while fantasizing about the Joeys. "Goddamnit. I gotta stop watching anime."

**The end (not)**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whenever I thought about a One Piece x Yu-Gi-Oh! crossover (with a dash of Doctor Who and NGE), this is _not_ what I had in mind.
> 
> I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. (I'm also sorry to non-Doctor Who fans who don't know what the shit just happened. Ignore me, it's okay.) (And non-One Piece fans =_=)
> 
> Was this pulled out of my ass in ten minutes? Completely. I'll post the real chapter in one or two days.
> 
> HAPPY BIRTHDAY USOPP


	19. Taste of Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *author is suffering from Earl Grey withdrawal and can't come up with anything*
> 
> author: teeeeeeaa~~~ (i'm not saying téa o.o) (her name should be teia, like leia) (or something japanese like er... anzu or sompn)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is mostly dialogue, i'm sorry. i'll try to be a better writer next time around o/ (if it were up to me, my fics would be dialogues only ughgh)

**18\. Taste of Love**

Yugi was running out of arguments, discussing with B. was never easy. "Kaiba, I already told you I can't! Who knows what he'll do if he finds out. At best I could lose my job, and I need this job!"

"And I already told you I'll take full responsibility! I just need one chance."

"I know I said I would help with anything I could, but this is impossible. I can't risk it. The fact that we used to be friends means nothing to him now. Do you remember what he did to that guy who betrayed him? Oh, I forgot, you weren't here because you had betrayed him yourself. And that guy was his classma—"

"Betrayal my ass! If he hadn't cheated to begin with, everything would still be fine."

"So… he really did cheat. Those guys weren't lying."

"No, and neither was I when I tried to get everyone to believe it back then. But no one would believe such a ridiculous strategy, would they? That perfume bullshit."

"Yeah, but—"

"Listen here. He's drinking his ass off right now. I'll distract him, and he'll never notice it was you. If he does, just pretend it was an accident. He thinks I don't even have this anymore." He showed him the moe machine. "He's only still using that crown because he likes to feel like a king. I swear to you he won't notice you. Especially with you being so short."

"Gee, thanks a lot. By the way, why do you have a black eye?"

"Hit myself in the face with my dick while I was skipping rope. And besides, it seems the two… outlanders still have a trick up their sleeves. Don't stop believing, little Muto!"

"Agh! Okay, okay! You'll owe me for that one, Kaiba. If you're ever back to being Master I'll want a raise."

"When, not if."

"And… and weekends off."

"Fine, fine."

"And maybe a prolonged vacation?"

"Okay, now you're pushing your luck."

oOo

Back on the third floor, the Master stared incredulously at Joey. Then he started laughing.

"Perfect! Perfect! You even saved me the trouble of challenging you. This is the perfect ending for the perfect day! Oh, what am I saying, it's the middle of the afternoon. Eh… of course you wouldn't want to stay away from your partner, huh? So you really do play."

"Well, I ain't as good as, er… Kiryu, but I hope we can have a nice duel." He decided to just stick with the voice; creating a character like Kaiba did would be asking too much.

He extended his hand, which the Master took with much pleasure.

"I hope so too. Tomorrow, same time, same place then. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some business with that person over there." He dismissed Joey and half-walked, half-staggered towards B., who held him in the last moment, before he would stumble.

He looked at the crown, then discreetly pointed the jukebox to Yugi, to indicate to wait until the end of the song. Then he turned his attention to the drunk boy in his arms.  _Your resistance did improve, but you could never hold your liquor properly, huh?_

"Hey, my dear slave. What are you— why do you have a black eye?"

"Oh, clumsy me. I tripped and landed on a… uh… closed fist."

That seemed enough of an explanation for the Master. "Oh, okay. Dance with me. Is your tush fine now?" He grabbed B.'s butt while they stumbled/danced near the jukebox.

"Yes, my tush is fine now." He looked at the crown and then looked around. All of the Master's securities kept a close eye on them. The thing really had to look like an accident, like he thought.

"Good. I still hate you, you know. I just wanted to dance with someone."

"I'm here for all your needs, Master."

"Yes you are. Forever… mine— my slave. I meant to say my slave!"

By this point, B. wondered if he would even need to use his machine. Maybe he could try to do things the easy way for once.

"Puppy…"

"Hmm?"

 _Oh, he didn't get mad. Too drunk to even realise._  "Are you forever mine as well?"

"Wha…? I'm forever your master, if that's what you're asking."

"Would you… would you believe that I love you?"

The Master squeezed his butt. "From the amount of lies you've told me up until today, crazy bastard, this feels like the smallest. I'm not even going to punish you for it."

"I know I lie to everybody, but I'm not lying now. What would I have to do to make you believe me?"

They stopped dancing and the Master looked him in the eye. "Nothing." He shook his head and resumed dancing. "After all you've done to me do you think I would believe something like that? Now stop insisting on it or you'll piss me off, and you don't want that."

As soon as the song was over, Yugi bumped into him, pretending his vision was blocked by the bottles on the tray he was carrying. The crown fell swiftly in B.'s hands.

"Hey! Who— oh. Be careful, Yu— Mr. Muto."

"I am so incredibly sorry, Master. I should be watching where I go. Please forgive me, it won't happen again."

"Fine, it's fine."

"Here."

"What?"

"Your crown, Master. It fell off." B. put the crown back in his head.

"Oh, okay. Good thing that you caught it. Uhh… I'm not feeling… I think I'll retire for now. If you'll excuse me."

"Do you want help with anything? I can hold your hair back while you throw up."

"Fuck off. No, I don't need any help."

Yugi and B. sat by the bar and watched him go.

"Why the hell didn't you use your thing on him?"

"Wow, Muto. You're a voyeur too? I don't do that stuff in public, you know; I only like to watch."

"You know what I mean! You bugged me so much to help you and you just… gave up? What the hell?"

"No, no. I didn't give up. I thought maybe… maybe I could get him to understand, but… apparently that isn't happening. But I did get some honesty from his drunken words.  _In vino veritas_."

"Yeah… he almost called me by my first name like he used to. Why did he do that?"

"Because… he wants things to go back to the way they used to be. And I'll make him admit it. With my thing."

"Your… thing… your…"

"My dick, of course."

"Agh, screw you, Kaiba!"

"My machine here. See? My pretty-witty-moey machine? I didn't use it now because I was… testing the waters."

"…And?"

"And it seems like the weather is perfect for sailing."

oOo

"A couple of security guards saw the door open and came to check if there was… something wrong with the room. Apparently they thought I would be with you." Kaiba was lying on the bed with his hands behind his head.

Joey entered the room and closed the door. "Oh? What happened?"

"Well, since I didn't leave the room so they could check, they couldn't reconnect the bugs."

"Good, good. I wouldn't wanna go without speaking again, and I don't know for how long I could hold that voice."

"Yeah, that voice is—" He sat up abruptly. "Just tell me how it went already, you idiot!"

"You curious, eh?" Joey passed his arms around Kaiba's neck. "Alright, why don't you make me say it?"

"Hn. If you're that smug, it means things went well."

Joey disentangled himself from Kaiba. "Alright, I get it. You don't wanna play. I think I'm gonna go take a shower." As he turned around, Kaiba held the hem of his shirt.

"Who said I don't wanna play? Shower, you said? I'll race you to it."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoying Krazy!Kaiba and Jerkass!Joey? If so, keep your eyes open for a special treat in a few days, while I think about what to do with too horny boys and a shower. Oh… I wish… *nosebleeds* And if not... well, I'll post it anyways. Twice! Mwaahahah I'll post it twice.


	20. Pillow Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *yamivoice* Last time on Yu-Gi-Oh!...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look, an anagram of tums
> 
> Btw, this is more or less the place where [Cat's Cradle](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1843069) fits in. You can take a break and go read it now if you want.

**19\. Pillow talk**

Kaiba couldn't believe the boy kneeling in front of him was the same shy Joey from a few days ago.

"Look, you know I never done any of this before; if I do something bad, you tell me."

Before he could reply, Joey's mouth was around him, and he moaned loudly.

Something bad? The only bad thing he thought Joey could do at that moment was stop.

He had to lean on the bathroom tiles. Joey licking and sucking him, with the stream of water falling over his head and back was the most erotic image he'd ever seen. He filed it in his mind, in case a future alone time required it.

It didn't take long to get him on the edge, and he had to concentrate to control his voice. "If you don't want it in your mouth, get out of the way."

The only indication that Joey heard him was that he started sucking even harder.

Kaiba barely managed to restrain a lewd moan as he came. Moments later he slid to the floor, panting. "That was… that was… yeah."

"Glad you liked it!" Joey was positively beaming, more pleased with himself than he'd ever remembered being.

His cheerful smile refilled Kaiba's stamina in just a few seconds. "Oh yeah? Wanna see what I can do to you?"

Does a Kuriboh shit in the woods? "Sure!"

Kaiba pushed him on the floor, the stream from the shower falling over his back. He kissed Joey hard; the taste of sex in his mouth started to stir him up again. His hands found the blond hair, messing up the already disheveled mop, while his mouth descended to his neck, sucking hard and leaving the first imprints of a hickey.

Then his hands were on Joey's sides, dragging sexy noises out of him, and his mouth now searched his nipples. He bit one softly, fingers playing with the other. His other hand ghosted over Joey's erection, but didn't touch it. Then his tongue was circling his navel. Unable to control himself, Joey tried to push his head down, but Kaiba just snickered and ignored him.

He bit the inside of one of Joey's thigh, then the other; when his mouth got close to where it mattered, he changed course again and returned to his navel.

"Agh… K-Kaiba, you're a fucking tease!"  _Holy shit_ _,_ _I was wrong back then. This fucker's_ insanely _sexy._

"What, you didn't know that already?" He licked the trail of fair hairs below his navel, stubbornly refusing to go any lower.

"Just…"

"Just what?"

"You want me to beg, don't you?"

"Just what?"

"Please, Kaiba…"

Kaiba stopped touching him altogether, and just hovered over him with a predatory grin. "Please what?"

"Son of a… please… suck me…"

Kaiba thought about asking _what_ exactly he wanted sucked, but that would probably earn him a punch. But that didn't mean he couldn't tease a little bit more.

He kissed Joey softly, then made his way towards his erection. He licked. And licked. Then he licked some more.

"Come  _on_ , Kaib—ah…"

Kaiba sucked him in earnest, fast at first, then slowing down when Joey started to buck his hips.

"Don't make me gag or I'll stop."

"C-can't help it, damn it…"

Kaiba held his hips down and sucked him hard, managing with a bit of difficulty to watch his face. Joey was pulling on his own hair, panting almost soundlessly. It was sexy, sure, but to his chagrin Kaiba admitted it was also very cute. And he liked it.

Kaiba had warned him, so it was only fair he did the same. "Ah… Kaiba I'm going to… c-come…" He was afraid if he didn't say the whole thing Kaiba would stop, unaware that he wasn't  _that_  cruel.

Kaiba just kept going, one hand caressing Joey's stomach and reaching his chest to pinch a slippery nipple. With his other hand, he stroked himself, coming a few seconds after Joey.

"…Hella…"

Kaiba chuckled. "I couldn't have put it better myself."

oOo

Clothes and accessories in place, they played with a deck Kaiba got from Yugi. He wanted to make sure Joey at least knew the names of the hands before duelling the Master.

"Don't worry 'bout it. I'll just go for the higher plays anyway."

"Yeah, that's exactly his game. That and the fact he can smell the cards you're holding. Lay low at first, at least until you've memorised some of the cards. He's not that good. If he weren't cheating, I could have defeated him with my eyes closed."

"Got it." If possible, Joey didn't want to resort to cheating, even if that was their only chance. But he would probably end up doing it unconsciously anyway, as soon as he started memorising the cards.

"Let's finish this one and go find the lunatic. I have to tell him about his brother."

"Okay, but this time I'm coming with."

"Yes you are."

oOo

They walked around the garden.

"What? You saw him? He was here? Where is he?" B. frantically shook Kaiba's shoulders, until his hands were batted away.

"Calm down. He came to challenge the Master, but I told him to come back tomorrow. He's having problems with his – your mother. That's why I gave him the deck. He'll tell you all about it."

"Oh, so you  _are_  a good person after all. And that old hag… I'll make her pay for abusing my cute little brother."

_Cute huh… hn, you'll see._

While Joey talked to Yugi in his new voice, B. pulled his double aside. Joey was wary, but Kaiba waved at him it was okay; he wasn't just gonna let himself be swindled again.

"What is it?"

"I know this look. You got laid!"

Kaiba sighed, knowing he'd be unable to hide that sort of thing from him. "A gentleman doesn't kiss and tell."

"Aha! So you did! _Gentleman_ , pffft."

"…Think whatever you want. It's not like I can stop you anyway."

"Stingy! Give me the details!"

"Fuck off. I'm sure your imagination will work something out without me telling you."

"Okay, I'm going to imagine it the way I want it then. And I'll be in the middle of you two, of course."

Kaiba rolled his eyes, fighting the urge to kill his other self. "Why don't you just imagine about your Puppy or something?"

B's eyes flashed with mirth as he crossed his arms. "Fine, I will. But only because you just got jealous over someone's imagination."

Fuck it. He could just kill him and throw the body in the Shadow Realm or something. "What are you gonna do with two black eyes, pretend you're a panda?"

B. completely ignored Kaiba's deadly glare. "I know! Why don't we leave this whole Poker thing behind and start doing twincest porn flicks? We'll make more money than we've ever had! We could call ourselves the  _Twincest Twinks_!"

Kaiba prepared to punch him, but Yugi and Joey held his arm, pulling him away from that nuisance of a double.

B. smiled wickedly. "Just as well. I've got work to do."

oOo

"Ready for bed, my Master?" B. was using one of his enigmatic smiles tonight, one that the Master couldn't interpret if he tried.

"Oh, so I won't have to cuff you tonight then?"

B.'s smile turned to enchanted while he removed his clothes. "Silly Master. You didn't have to cuff me yesterday." He lay on the bed, hands under the pillows in a sexy pose. "How's your head? No hangover?"

"Nah, I'm fine. Slept it away."

"I'm glad." B. noticed him staring at the pillows, and removed his hands from under them, patting on the bed. "Undress. Come here. I'll give you a back massage."

"…You're taking this whole thing pretty well. Ain't this why you ran in the first place?"

"It was… but I came back because I can't be without you."

"Spouting that crap again?" He undressed and sat where B. had patted, crown still in place. "That won't get you out of my bad books." Still suspicious, he pushed the pillows from the bed, checking to see if there wasn't anything hidden under them.

"Is there something wrong?"

"It's nothing. Oh, right there." With both hands working on his back and neck muscles, the Master didn't have to be suspicious of him anymore. B. massaged and rubbed until the Master started to sound like he was melting in a puddle of goo. His neck dangled forward, the crown landing on the bed.

"Does it feel good?"

"Oh yeah…"

"Wonderful." He kissed the fair little hairs on his nape with genuine affection. His voice was low and husky. "Please trust me…"

"Kaiba… I… can't. You don't deserve it."

"Please believe me. I won't lie or mistreat you ever again. Things will be different." He kissed the Master's ear lightly, while his hands moved towards his chest, still massaging.

"…Can't… shouldn't…"

"I know I've done you wrong. I am sorry from the bottom of my heart; I was so childish back then, a total fool. And I need you to believe me. It's not about who's in charge and who's not. It shouldn't be anyone in charge. Someone told me that, and I understand it now. Please tell me you'll believe me." His hands ventured further down, fingers touching the Master's forming erection.

"I… no… shouldn't believe you…"

"I love you." He whispered, while his hands started to stroke. "Believe me."

"Stop… stop saying that…"

"I love you. I wouldn't mind giving up forever being the Master if you could believe that." His lips kissed the blond neck, while his hands kept stroking slowly. "I just want you. No, scratch that. I  _need_  you. I had never realised how empty my life was until I met you."

"Kaiba…"

"Do you want me?" He closed his legs and pulled the Master to his lap with surprisingly no protests. One hand still stroked while the other went lower. "Do you need me?"

"Kaiba…"

"Say you want me." A finger teased his entrance, drawing slow circles. "I want you so fucking much."

The Master suddenly turned around and pulled B. to a searing kiss, not trying to bite his tongue off for once. There had been very few kisses between them, and this was just… savouring and enjoying one another. B. realised that was the first actual sentimental kiss of his life.

He also realised he tasted copper. "Puppy? Are you bleeding? Well, usually it's me, but—"

"Damn you… it's your fault."

"What? I didn't bite—"

" _I_  did. When I felt like I would answer you. You… you still like playing mind games, don't you?"

"I… I am sorry."

The Master growled and pushed him on the bed. "Stop apologizing! I want… I want… just… just fuck me already!"

B. pulled him to a strong embrace, holding his head against his chest; his smile happier and more honest than it had been in a long while. "As you wish." Instead of honouring his request though, he decided, for the first time, that rather than fucking, he wanted to know what making love was like.

TBC

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh the mushiness. I can't believe I actually wrote a corny scene like this one between the actual boys in a previous fanfic (yeah, JWatIS, I'm looking at you).
> 
>  
> 
> ~Omake~
> 
> While cuddling lovingly with the Master after the long, hot night, B. has an epiphany.
> 
> B.: You know what would be really fun? If you changed your name to Bates.
> 
> Master: What? Why would I do that?
> 
> B: What would people call you then?
> 
> Master: Master Bat— oh, you!


	21. But you're still hungry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi just showed up shirtless in the new SnK chapter and I can't think about anything else alright  
> As for Yu-Gi-Oh! nakedness, remember when Joey showed up ass naked in the manga? (also he swims in a pair of tiny speedos. uh okay)

**20\. But you're still hungry**

"I really, really hated you. For a long time I hated you with all my heart." The Master crossed his arms and tried unsuccessfully to hold back a pout.

"I am sorry I made you feel like that." B. kissed his hair.

"Now… now we're snuggling like this."

"Yes. I'm glad things change."

"I don't know… I can't remember when I stopped hating you. I was straight, you know. You… you gayed me up!"

"I… gayed you up? Did you sleep with many women before I came along?" B. knew he hadn't.

"I don't… I don't have to sleep with someone to know my sexual orientation!"

"Oh, come now. You were a blank slate; you just didn't know what you wanted yet."

"I didn't want to get my ass fucked, that's for sure!"

"That's a common apprehension with virgins. Now you know how good it is."

The Master sighed. "Has anyone ever won in a discussion with you?"

"Forget about that. Do you believe me then? That you're all I want? That I love you and always have?" B. held one of the Master's hands between both of his while they snuggled, still sleepy.

He pouted again, contemplating his answer. "And I'm probably the biggest idiot in the world for doing so."

B. took the hand to his lips and kissed it. "Not at all. I'll say it until you understand. I loved you ever since I first saw you. Well, actually to be honest I think it was mostly lust at first, but… you're very easy to love, Joey Wheeler."

"Oh, you remember my name then? Never knew that. Alright then." He climbed over B. and kissed his neck. "Explain to me how did this happen."

"Mmm? How what happened?"  _Uh-oh…_

"Yesterday you asked what you'd have to do to make me believe you, and I said there was nothing you could do. Now we're like this?"

B. crossed his hands around the Master's back. "Simple. You were just lying to yourself back then."

"…Maybe. But you did manage to convince me real easy."

"My hands are magical. While I was out, I found an old sage who managed to turn my hands into magical artifacts that would—"

The Master flicked him over the forehead. "Whatever happened to 'I won't lie to you ever again', huh?"

"What? This is true. It's called  _magical massage_. If you don't believe me, turn around and I'll do it again."

"Umm… no. I'll just get all putty again, and I don't like being like that. I mean, I do but I don't, know what I mean?"

"I'd have to say… not at all again."

"It's like… I feel good, but also vulnerable. And I don't like feeling vulnerable."

"I… see." B. was silent for a moment, knowing that was exactly how he made him feel all the time back then, especially when he drugged and cuffed him. He felt deeply ashamed of himself. But still… it was the only way he knew how to keep that person who enticed him so much to himself. "If you want, you can… I mean… you have the right to, er…"

"Get back at you?"

"Well, yes."

The Master stared at B. for a while, then sat back, closing his eyes. "Done it already, haven't I?"

"What, when I got back? Was that enough?"

He thought for a full minute, then sighed. "No. I wanted to kill you for a while." B. just watched him impassively. "Then… then I just wanted to get revenge somehow, to make you go through everything you put me through, but… I felt so empty after I did it, and even… remorseful. And it's not like I haven't treated anyone poorly either, my old gang should know. So no, there's nothing to get back at no more."

B. took one of the Master's hands and kissed the palm. "If that is your wish."

"What I wish right now… is for some fruit tarts. What time is it? Is the cook awake yet?"

"The cook? You mean Tsunami? You used to remember your friends' names, you know."

"What are you bugging me for? I just… haven't spoken to him in a while and kinda forgot. Mako. Mako Tsunami. There."

"It's just… sometimes I think you miss the way things were in the past. I mean, not with us. But with them. I'm sure Muto misses talking to you."

"And why do you care about him all of a sudden?"

"I don't. He's the last person on my concerns list, believe me. I care about you. I just want you to be happy, Puppy."

"Still with the 'Puppy', eh? Do I look that much like a dog to you?"

B. kissed his nose. "Silly. I find puppies the most beautiful creatures in the world. What are you complaining? Dogs are awesome. I wish I could have 20 or 30 of them, but I'm allergic. The irony."

"Okay, okay. And maybe I do miss talking to him. But I can't just change things all of a sudden."

"You could if you wanted to. For instance, answer me this: wouldn't you like to have a clean duel for once? You know, with a regular, odourless deck?" The Master turned red, and B. couldn't figure out if he was embarrassed, angry or something else. "Oh. Is it taboo to talk about this? But I still think you would."

"You don't fear me at all, do you?"

"No. Not even a little bit. Because whatever you would ever want to do with me, I'd blindly accept it. I trust you. Well? What do you say? How about giving Mr. Fudo a fighting chance? He doesn't exactly seem like a good player."

"…I'll think about it."

"Wonderful! Now… there's one more thing I want to know."

"Yeah? What is it?"

"Please, please, please don't bite your tongue. Do you love me?"

He didn't bite his tongue, but clenched his teeth as hard as he could. But the words still wanted to escape in some way. Before he could make himself pass out somehow, his head was nodding a 'yes'.

B. promptly hugged and kissed him. "Me too, I love you too; don't forget that, please."

"Why? What's going on?"

He got up from the bed, stepped away from the Master and took a deep breath. "Alright. Now this is the part where you get mad at me again. But please listen until the end before you kick me out."

The Master's eyes were already deadly serious. He learned it from the master after all, no pun intended.

"First of all, nothing that was said here this morning and last night were lies. You said it yourself, you had to physically stop yourself from speaking. And for that I apologize again. So everything you said, you really meant it. But bear in mind that I also didn't tell any lies. I do love you, I do trust you and my hands are indeed magical. Even if the sage was just an old fool, that's what he told me it was called. I had to do this or you wouldn't believe me, nor would you admit that you feel the same way. Think back to all we've talked about and remember it was all true. And also remember I told you everything. I used a device that not only made us incapable of lying, it also made us more compliant to say what we wanted to say, but couldn't or didn't for whatever reason."

"Where is it?"

"Taped behind the closet."

The Master dragged the closet and found the intricate device. It looked like two weird machines hooked together, full of wires sticking out and a bit of adhesive tape over a button. He instantly crushed it in his hands.

_I hope Nice Me forgives me for this one._

"Is there anything more?"

"Please don't take too long to forgive me 'cause you know I can't live without you."

"Get out."

He did so, the tranquil fury in the Master's eyes much more unsettling than any stage of anger he'd ever witnessed.

B. leaned against the wall outside the room and slid to the floor, sighing.  _Well, it had to be done._

Yugi thought maybe he could get a decent paying job somewhere else; he didn't really have to stay there, did he? If he talked to the Master maybe he could get him to relieve him of his duties, in name of their old friendship. Yeah, he would do that later. For now, he had to take it like any other day.

"For god's sake. Put some clothes on, Kaiba."

oOo

Kaiba shook Joey. "Wake up. Play with me."

For once, Joey didn't seem to be having an inappropriate nightmare. "You know, that's a pretty excellent way to start the day."

"We're playing… 'Unstrip Poker'."

"Awesome! Wait, what? I thought you said… but you said…"

Kaiba ran a hand seductively along Joey's thigh. "Are you wearing any clothes? No. How could we play Strip Poker?"

"Yeah, but we—"

"Whoever wins, puts on an item of clothing."

Joey puffed. "That don't sound like much fun." He pulled Kaiba towards himself. "You're naked. Why would I want you to put clothes on?"

Kaiba started kissing Joey's neck and chest, then he got up and picked up the deck from a desk. "Well, if you want me to continue that way, you better win then."

Ten minutes later, Kaiba was fully clothed, wig and shades included, and Joey was still completely naked. "Geh— why can't I beat you?"

"Because I'm a better player."

"Snarky bastard."

"Don't insult me when you know it's the truth. Besides, for what it's worth… you're better than yesterday." He gathered the cards from the bed.

"Er… thanks. So, you think I can beat him?" Joey started putting his clothes on to get ready for breakfast.

Kaiba hesitated for a moment. "…You're better than yesterday." Joey let out a loud indignation noise. "You don't know how to bluff and you rely too much on luck."

"What, you saying you can read my poker face?" He was smirking now.

"Wheeler, the day you have a poker face is the day I lose to you. In either Poker or Duel Monsters."

oOo

The Master didn't join them for breakfast that morning, and B. was acting strange. It was almost like he was… sulking, which was very uncharacteristic.

Kaiba couldn't help bugging him. "What is it, trouble in paradise?"

"Agh, I hate it when you're snarkier than me."

"Why is everyone calling me that today?"

"I uh… accidentally got your lie detector broken. Destroyed actually."

"I didn't even know you had it." He just shrugged. "Whatever, if I need it I'll just make another one. What happened, you got the Master angry or something?"

B. sighed and got up from his chair. "Well, I'm glad you're not mad. Now excuse me, I have to… be wherever." He left the table, while Joey and Kaiba watched him, puzzled.

"What the hell?"

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> R.I.P Lie Detector and The Moe Machine of Dreams. We're all saddened at the loss.
> 
> Er… in case I didn't make it clear, B. linked the two gadgets and transformed them in… that thingy he said.
> 
> I don't know if there's such a thing as a magical massage. But I'd be pretty happy if there was.


	22. Masters of the Universe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time to d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-yeah

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wonder how fucking confusing this fic would appear to someone who randomly clicked on a chapter without reading the rest. Joey being addressed as Yusei? Who the fuck is B.? Why the hell are they playing Poker? Are there two of every character? Aren't you a little short for a Stormtrooper? Who's on first? Why did you randomly clicked on a chapter without reading the rest?

**21\. Masters of the Universe**

"Take a seat, Mr. Fudo. Let's finish this fast, I'm feeling a bit indisposed today."

"Uh… sure." Joey quickly found out the Master wasn't kidding around, as he won almost every turn as quickly as possible. He managed to register the smell of every card that came to his hand, allowing him to win a few turns as well.

Half an hour later, each had basically the same amount of chips as the other, with the Master's pile just a little bit larger.

"It seems I underestimated you, Mr. Fudo. You're almost as good a player as your partner."

"Eh, well. He taught me a lot. And…"

"And?"

"I think I have a certain… affinity with your deck."  _I hope I used that word right._

The Master stopped and stared him dead in the eye. He felt like he was staring at himself, from a long time ago. To Joey's luck, he didn't realise he actually  _was_  staring at himself.

"You do, huh? Good, good. Seems like we're on the same wavelength."  _Could it be…?_

"Um… okay." Joey had no idea what that meant. A few turns later, he finished memorising the smells. The Master's overconfidence caused him to be careless, and suddenly Joey had the upper hand. He started to panic, knowing there was no other way; he would have to do it.

"I would like to change decks. Do you have any objections?"

Joey felt inexplicably happy. Even if he was winning, he'd feel much better if there was no cheating involved. "No, no. Go ahead."

The dealer brought a new deck, and they resumed playing. With each turn, luck would grace one of them. The Master looked and couldn't find B.; he was so conflicted by what had happened that morning that he couldn't focus. While thinking back about everything they had talked about, he won the next couple of turns.

From what Kaiba could see, they had the same amount of abilities. Neither could bluff, and both had a lot of luck. Joey caught him watching and won another two turns.

Several rounds passed, and they remained relatively tied. There were considerably less people watching the duel than the day before, and that number slowly diminished, as some spectators began to go home, bored. The Master felt nervous; if he didn't concentrate, he would lose everything. Had it really been a smart move to change decks? But he had to; his opponent seemed to use the same strategy as him, somehow. He thought he was the only one with that good a nose, but apparently he was wrong.

Another few rounds went by; now only familiar faces watched them, and they both started getting worn-out.

The Master sighed "I'm… I'm getting tired. You can see this isn't going anywhere, right?"

"Yeah… pretty much a stalemate."

He smiled resignedly. "Let's do it then. Next round, all in; winner takes all. Whatever happens, happens."

Joey looked at Kaiba, who simply shrugged and crossed his arms. "Okay."

The dealer handed them the cards. The Master stared at his hand for a while and bought 1 card. Joey bought 3. Both had blank, expressionless faces and a thin veil of sweat on their brows.

The Master looked around, finally getting a glimpse of B. sitting on his favourite chair. He sighed. "Since I suggested the bet, I'll go first." He showed his hand, starting on a 5 and ending on a 9 of hearts. "Straight Flush."

Joey sagged in the chair, the cards almost falling from his hands. He set them on the table one by one. He had started with a 10, and finished on an Ace. "Royal Flush."

The (as of now ex) Master could only stare at the table, since he had no idea where his voice or strength had gone.

"Um…" Joey looked around, motioning for the Kaibas to approach the table, then stared at the dealer for help. But the dealer was just as shocked as the Master. "Hello? Hey, man…"

That took him out of his stupor. "Oh, er… the… the winner is Mr. Yusei Fudo, who shall now hold the title and post of Master!" The few people who weren't staring in astonishment at the table managed to applaud, and there were even a couple of cheering whistles.

B. stood behind the former Master's chair, taking advantage of his state and passing his arms around his neck and whispering in his ear. "C'mon, Puppy. Shake his hand. I'm going to avenge you now." He winked at Joey. "Duel me, new Master Fudo?"

"Eh… gimme a second to catch my breath first, will you?" He got up and hugged Kaiba, who was standing beside him. "I did it!"

"Lucky son of a bitch. I can't believe you bought those cards. You have as much luck as I have skills."

"Uh… thanks, I guess…" He stopped next to the former Master and held out his hand. "Master… no, well, er…"

"…Joey."

"Yeah?" He replied as if the other had called him. Kaiba elbowed his ribs. "Ow! I mean, what?"

"Just call me Joey." He shook the other Joey's hand and got up, untangling himself from B.'s arms. "If it's okay with you, I think I'll go lay down for a second."

"Uh… sure." Joey did some sort of awkward bowing, and Kaiba elbowed him again.

The former Master got up to leave, but stopped when B. caught his hand. "Let go."

He did so, as to not upset him more. "Do you want me to go with you?"

"No. Stay here. Duel him, don't duel him. I don't even care anymore." He left without looking back. On the way to his room, he met Yugi.

"Great duel, Joey!"

"Thanks, Yug'." Despite all his sorrow, that actually felt good.

oOo

"Now?" Joey shuffled the odourless deck on his hands.

"No time to waste. I have to help my brother. He didn't show up like he said he would." B. was already sitting down to start their duel.

"Well, then let's go after him now!" Joey started to move, but Kaiba stopped him.

"Finish here first, and don't take long. If he's Master again, it'll be easier if we need resources. You don't want people thinking this is a sham, do you?"

"Okay, let's do it then." They called the dealer back. A different one showed up, since the other was halfway through a bottle of tequila.

oOo

With high bets and risky moves, it ended in less than ten minutes. Joey didn't even have to lose on purpose; B. wiped the floor with him. That caused the current dealer to also request a bottle of tequila for himself and join the other in the commemoration.

"Wow. That… that was the easiest duel I've ever had. No offence Puppy, but you suck."

Joey wrinkled his nose. "Eh… you know I could beat you with the other deck, right?"

"Okay, now I'm just going to pretend you didn't say that. Come on, let's go."

They moved to a computer room. "Alright Nice Me, you look for every rehabilitation clinic on the internet, while I talk to Puppy to find out the new access code for my bank accounts, hoping he didn't damage them too much. And Puppy… ah no, I only have one Puppy now. Sorry, I'm taken." He smiled snobbishly at Joey, who simply rolled his eyes. "Where was I? Oh yeah… you just stand there and look pretty."

"Fine." Kaiba held Joey before he would punch the other and sat in front of a computer. He handed him the dimension machine. "Go home and email Mokuba, the address is saved on my laptop. Make sure everything is okay, and tell him to come home tomorrow."

"'Kay." He went back to their room, to cross dimensions privately.

oOo

B. (now once again the Master) knocked on his door. "Puppy? Can I talk to you? It's very important."

It's not like he could deny him anything now. "…Come in."

He told him that he went back to being Master, and the story about Mokuba.

"You have a little brother? That's good news. And now you're my master again…"

"No."

"What?"

"We'll have to talk about this later. Now I need the access code for the bank accounts in order to help Mokuba."

"Code? Ah… it's um… 52422."

"Thanks." B. kissed him on the cheek and left.

"…Yeah…"

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the story reaches its final stages… or does it…? (nah, it does)
> 
> Warning: nerd alert ↓
> 
> Joey has duelled quite a handful of cheaters; to some he lost, but he won most of the duels. Here, let's count: first against Mai and her (hereby homage'd…) so-called ESP/aroma strategy, then Rex, who didn't really cheat, but Mai kept telling him how to win. The same thing happened when he duelled Bonz/Zombie Boy, Bandit Keith kept bugging in the whole time. While Duke didn't cheat, he made Joey use new cards instead of his own deck. The rare hunter/Steve with his fake Exodia cards was next, then Espa Roba and his "psychic powers", a.k.a. headset, and Weevil telling a random kid to spike his deck. Odion also used a fake Ra, orders of Marik (which ended badly for poor baldy bastard). The duel with Melvin!Marik is difficult to say, but… well, using your demonic powers to debilitate your opponent and put them in a coma is probably considered cheating. Johnson of the Big Five was the worst offender, cheating in every single turn, the fucker. I don't remember about the Paradox Brothers because that duel was too forgettable. Aaand… that's all my nerdy mind can remember right now, sorry. People who never cheated Joey are: Kaiba, Yugi, Mako Tsunami and… Valon. Man, I friggin' love that ridiculous duel with Valon.
> 
> tl;dr, people love to cheat against Joey.


	23. Mother

**22\. Mother**

B. was surprised to find out his accounts remained relatively the same since he last used them, and that there had been very little activity in them, only a couple of withdrawal and deposits. He looked at the numeric pad where he had typed the code. 52422. The letters below the numbers spelled his name. He wanted to kiss his Puppy so much right now that he felt overwhelmed.

Kaiba got the addresses of all 3 private rehabilitation clinics of Domino and handed them to B. He knew they wouldn't give information over the phone, so they would have to go to each of them.

As B. parked the car on the second clinic, Kaiba saw Mokuba sitting on a bench inside. "There he is."

"What?"

"There is your brother. Inside."

"Where?"

"Where I'm pointing."

"…Behind that little punk?"

"He  _is_  that little punk."

"Ha-ha-ha. Pull the other one."

Kaiba was amused. "You guys will get along fine." They left the car, B. still disbelieving him.

"Mokuba!"

"What? Oh, the guy from yesterday." He made quotation marks in the air. "Kiryu."

B. was beaming. "Oh, very witty; I like him already."

"The Master? Seto Kaiba? So…"

"Hello, my sweet little brother. Now you don't have to do it alone anymore. I'll watch Star Wars with you whenever you want."

"Star Wars? Are you high? I hate that bullshit."

B. feigned an undignified cry with a hand in front of his mouth. "No, Mokie. You can't mean that!"

"Mokie? Who the hell is Mokie? I don't care who you are, I'll kill you if you ever call me that again."

Kaiba crossed his arms, a little impatient. "Yeah, my brother hates that too."

Mokuba looked from Kaiba to B. Now that he saw them side by side, things started to click. "You guys look… exactly the same. Are you twins or something? Am I really his brother? Are you my brother too?"

B. crossed his arms too with a proud smile on his face. "He's way more perceptive than… well, everyone else."

They told him parts of the story, even though Kaiba was pretty sure he wouldn't believe them by the end. He didn't. "Don't worry; I'll prove it to you later." He turned towards B. "Don't you wanna go see your mother or something?"

"Why should I? She abandoned me to my own luck when I was just a toddler. Okay, I wasn't a toddler. And the orphanage was actually pretty fun. And then a millionaire adopted me and gave me everything I wanted, on the condition I won some lousy Poker games. What am I doing here? I have to go thank that saint woman!" He took Mokuba by the hand. "Let's go! Where is she?"

Mokuba pulled himself from his hands. "Whoa, that's way more touchy-feely than I'm comfortable with, man. The thing is… she's kind of in a coma. The reason I didn't go back to your house like I said I would was because I was waiting to see if she would wake up."

"Oh, I… see."

"You can still go see her if you want to. She doesn't look too good though. She's like 35 but looks like she's 50."

"…Yeah, let's go see her." As he followed Mokuba along the corridor, he stopped and looked back at Kaiba, who was just standing there in the middle of the waiting room. "Do you… do you want to come too?"

He smiled faintly. "No, it's fine. I just… no offence, but I just prefer to remember my own mother the way she was. You go. I'll wait here."

B. smiled back at him. "Okay."

Kaiba watched them go, B. trying to touch Mokuba's pointy Mohawk. "How does it stand up like that? It's even weirder than Muto's hair!"

"Hey, don't get too cosy! I haven't accepted this whole brother thing yet!"

Kaiba sat down to wait for them.

oOo

"Come on, I gave them my phone number. They'll call if there are any changes with her." B. drummed his fingers on the steering wheel.

"Yeah, but… how can I go just like that? What if this whole thing is a lie and you're like organ harvesters or something?"

B. was shocked. "Organ harvesters? But… but you know me, don't you? That I'm the Master and all that?"

"I know, but I don't know what's your deal. What if you do… I don't know—"

"Kid, my deal is Poker. I make millions with games and stock market, and I don't need to steal little brats' organs."

"I'm not a little brat!"

"Then stop behaving like one and let's go already!"

Kaiba was having fun watching them. "You know, seeing you talking to your brother almost makes me think that you're not insane."

"Why, thank you, Nice Me! I'll take that as the first compliment you've ever given me."

"Don't get too used." He turned towards Mokuba. "So, are you coming or not?"

Mokuba stood outside the car, thinking, then opened the back door, sighing. "Yeah, sure. Why not."

B. flashed one of his killer smiles. "Wonderful! Do you want to stop by your house to get your, uh… hairspray or anything else?"

Mokuba hit him over the head. "Just go already. I'll just grab my stuff some other time."

He stepped on the gas rubbing his head, wondering why it seemed like everyone did that to him.

oOo

Yugi discussed with a tall girl outside. Well, tall compared to him. "Forget it, Téa. Everything's fine now."

"But I want to help you too! I told you I don't mind giving up on my dance classes."

"No way in hell. There are too many perverts here, and they would just ogle you the whole time. Besides, Kaiba is the Master again, and he said he'd give me an extended holiday, so we could go to that resort you're always talking about." He watched them as they arrived. "Er… didn't you Kaiba?"

"Muto, I'm just so shocked right now to see that  _you_  have a girlfriend that I'll concede just this once."

The Joeys were, surprisingly, playing cards. Except it wasn't Poker; Joey had gotten out his deck and was teaching him about Duel Monsters. The former Master had removed his silly royal garments and now wore normal clothes.

Before they approached them, B. warned Mokuba not to tell anything to the pretty blond who used to be the Master about how he and Kiryu were kind of the same person, and the whole another world story.

"Yeah, whatever. Not like I believe any of that anyway… Pretty blond? You're his boyfriend or something?"

"…Right now I'm not really sure, little brother."

"Hey! He and the other guy also look—"

"Shh! I told you it was true."

"Yeah. That or you're plotting some shady scheme involving pairs of twins."

B. shushed him once again, giving up on trying to convince him for now.

Both Joeys turned to look when they entered the room. "You're back! How was— oh, he's here!"

"Hey, Puppy. Uhh…Mr. Fudo. This is my brother Mokuba. Mokuba, say hi to Puppy and Mr. Fudo."

Mokuba jerked his head. "'Sup."

Now it was B.'s turn to hit him over the head. "Like a gentleman,  _Mokie_."

"Ow! Man, I told you not to call me that!"

"Then behave. I'll teach you all about how to be a sir. Like me."

Joey was dying to make a snarky comment, but luckily for him, so was his double. "Sir? You? Kaiba, if you're a sir, then I'm king of England."

Kaiba motioned for Joey to follow him, while the three bickered around the table.

"I'm not calling this guy Puppy!"

"Then what, are you gonna call him dog? Y'know, like,  _what up dog!_ "

"Argh, do you have any idea how lame you are?"

"Kaiba! Listen, Kaiba's little brother. You can call me Joey."

"Why does he call you Puppy?"

"'Cause he's an idiot."

Mokuba laughed out loud. "Can't argue with that."

B. pretended to be offended. "Hey, you two! More respect with the Master!"

They both spoke in a mocking tone. "Yes, Master."

"Ah! That's it! Both of you, to your rooms, now!"

"Hey, I just got here. How should I know which one is my room?"

"Follow your big brother, Mokie. I'll find a nice room for you."

Mokuba rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

B. turned to  _his_  Joey. "Will you wait for me in your room? I really have to talk to you."

He rolled his eyes too, but showed him a lopsided smile. "Whatever."

oOo

"Are we going back then?" Joey was polishing his sunglasses' lenses on his shirt.

"Why don't we spend one last night here? Since we won't be able to come back, maybe we should say goodbye to them tomorrow."

"We won't be able to come back? Why is that?"

Kaiba was tweaking with the dimension machine. "The machine is frying. I think it can be used a few more times, but not that many."

"Really? Hooo boy. Okay then. Hey y'know, you're more sociable than I've ever imagined."

"…What do you expect me to say? They're virtually us; it's easy to get along with them."

"Yeah, but… even you getting along with  _me_  was a bit of a surprise back then."

Kaiba removed his clothes and accessories. "Why don't we leave talking for tomorrow? I'm exhausted." He climbed under the covers and lay there, unmoving.

Joey was disappointed, but as soon as he met Kaiba under the covers, he didn't mind finding out he was lying about being tired once again.

TBC

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super-short guest appearance by Téa Gardner!
> 
> I'm sorry, I wanted to have more of Kaiba and Joey, but... there isn't much to do anymore. If it's any consolation, I've already started on a new story, it'll be much shorter this time, and there won't be any creeps from another dimension to steal their screen time.


	24. Stop hitting yourself Stop hitting yourself Stop hitting yourself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jounouchi-chan is kawaii~ arigato~   
> (ignore me)

**23\. Stop hitting yourself Stop hitting yourself Stop hitting yourself**

"Am I forgiven?" Master B. knelt by Joey's bed.

Joey sighed. "Kaiba… you toyed with my head again. You know I hate that."

"Yes, but I already told you why I had to do it. And you  _know_  it was the only way."

"…What's that you said about not being my master no more?"

"Tell me whether I'm forgiven or not and I'll tell you."

Joey turned his back to him. "…Fine."

B. had to grab the sheets to stop himself from jumping him right then. "Alright. The thing is… I thought about it, and decided to change things around here a little. I won't have anyone working for me against their will anymore. And the reward for defeating me will be prize money, I haven't decided how much yet. I have a brother to take care of now, and I can't risk losing everything again. And… about you… I wanted to… look at me." He did. "I want to form a partnership with you. I want us to be equals."

"Wha… are you serious?"

"I've never been more serious in my life. And I hope you can tell I'm not lying. That little thingy-wingy you broke would have been useful right now, you know." Joey just flicked him on the forehead.

"Why… why would you do that?"

B. rested his crossed arms on the bed with a sweet smile. "Well, duh. Did you forget that I love you already?" Joey blushed. "By the way… I'm really curious to know how you managed to be Master for almost a year without really spending anything…"

"Oh, that… umm… the thing is, back when I was, y'know, your whore…"

B. wrinkled his nose. "Don't say it like that."

"Nah, I don't mind no more. Well, I noticed my father was taking the money I was sending my sister and gambling with it. I was real pissed, until I found out that the son of a bitch was a fucking great Poker player. So I decided to sponsor him. I did take some money from your accounts at first so I could set things up, but he won that back in the first month. I did have to pay less to everyone, but I guess I managed to keep things running."

B. was so astounded he didn't know what to say. "…Wow, you're… you're… wow!"

"And since we're coming clean… I kinda lied to you about what I wanted money for. It  _was_  because of my sister, but for hospital things. She needed lots of operations and treatment, and that's basically how the whole thing started."

"Is she okay now?"

"Never better. The way she keeps nagging at me to go back home, it's like she never been sick."

"I'm glad to hear that. So, um…  _you_  lied to  _me_ …"

"Once!"

B. couldn't take it anymore and climbed the bed to hug him. "I'm teasing you, Puppy. I'm sure you had your reasons. But if you had told me the truth back then, I would have helped you right away, you know."

Joey sighed tiredly. "Doesn't matter now. I'm just glad she's okay."

"I am glad too. So, how come I never heard of Mr. Wheeler winning any championships?"

"Well, actually… he only plays on underground tournaments, so you wouldn't have heard of him." While speaking, he hugged B. back. "It was his choice, and I let him. Seems he has something to settle with an old friend of his. I don't know the full story."

"I see." B. extended his hand to Joey. "So, do you accept this hand in partnership, or do I have to get back on my knees?"

"On your knees, huh? That don't sound half bad, but I know of a better way to close a deal." He took B.'s hand and pulled him on top of him for a kiss.

"Oh, I'm happy to oblige, so long as you don't ever close deals like this with anyone else." He started unbuttoning Joey's shirt. "Love your new outfit, but it's got to go."

"How about you stop coming on to every single person you see? Think I didn't notice how 'close' you were to those two?"

"Excuse me? How about you and Devlin? If things are to work out, I want him out of here first thing tomorrow."

"What the heck are you talking about? Duke doesn't go for guys. He hits on my sister every single time he has the chance."

"What? But… you seemed so intimate, calling him to your room all the time…"

"I don't know when you saw this, but Duke is my financial advisor. Whenever he shows up it's to bring news about my father. He don't work here, we never even played."

"Oh! Uh… er… your access code was my name!"

"Ack! So you figured it out! That's because I was so pissed at you at the time!"

"That doesn't even make any sense. Want me to relieve you of your pants? It seems like they're on fire."

"I ain't lyin— actually, never mind." Joey kissed B. again, while attacking  _his_  pants. "You stop flirting with the whole damn world and I… what is it you want from me?"

B. rubbed his naked body on him. "Nothing much. I just want you to be by my side forever."

Joey smiled, satisfied and oh-so-very turned on. "I think I can do that."

oOo

The next day, B. explained his new decisions to everyone, and to his surprise, none of his employees quit, and they were more than happy to welcome him back as their boss.

Well, with only two exceptions.

They sat around the table as lunch was served. Both Joeys couldn't stop staring at Mokuba, whose hair fell around his head in black and rainbow.

"Maybe I really should have taken my hairspray."

B. smiled enchanted. "Now  _that's_  a cute little brother.

Kaiba interrupted, before they would start bickering again. "You don't need us here, right? We're going back."

"Yes, you have to go back, huh. I thank you for helping me when I needed." B. winked at him, but Kaiba noticed it wasn't really flirty anymore, just playful.

After lunch, Kaiba got B. to distract his Joey while he talked privately to Mokuba. Back in their room, Joey handed him the dimension machine. "If you get me stuck here, I'll bite your nose off."

" _Please_  don't start acting like a dog. Seriously." He turned to Mokuba. "I said I would prove it to you, didn't I?"

"What—"

Before he could understand what was going on, Kaiba held his arm, and a second later they were back in his world.

"—the hell?"

"Mokuba! Are you home?" The dimension machine heated up violently in his hands.

B.'s Mokuba looked at him as if he were crazy. "I'm standing right here!"

"Seto! Big brother, where are you?"

Mokuba widened his eyes. "That… that's my voice!"

Kaiba said nothing, he just opened the door and stepped in the hallway.

"Big br— what the hell happened to your hair?"

Kaiba smiled at his brother. "It's just a wig. Oh, and this is you from a different dimension." He held him briefly before he could see their guest.

Both Mokubas faced each other.

"No—"

"— way!"

Kaiba was amused. "I should have filmed this…" He left them to squabble with each other and went to his lab.

oOo

"Why are you taller than me?"

"I don't know. Why are you punkier than me?"

"I don't know. Why are you bitchier than me?"

"I don't know. Why—"

"Enough, you two! Come, punk Mokuba. I have to take you back."

"Seto! Are you going… wherever you were again? Where were you anyway? What's going on?"

"I'll tell you later. I'll just take him back and bring Wheeler."

Mokuba gaped in disbelief. "Joey? You were out  _adventuring_  with Joey? Are pigs flying now or something?"

Kaiba just smiled at him. "I'll see you soon, Mokuba."

They stepped back in the room and disappeared in a succinct flash.

"...What the hell?"

oOo

When they got back, along with heating up, the machine started to smoke. It seemed to be on its last legs. He really hoped it could handle one last trip.

oOo

"Ready to go?" Kaiba fixed up his wig, probably for the last time.

"Let's say goodbye first!"

"I know I said that yesterday, but I'm not very good with goodbyes. How about you say it and I just stand in the background looking grim?"

"Oh, please. Like B. would ever let you get away with that."

**_To be concluded_ **

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I wanted to explain why Joey's father played underground games; it was supposed to be a deal with Yugi's grandpa's loan sharks mentioned in Cat's Cradle. Because they were good friends, Joey's dad tried to help him out. And before that, they never had any food because he'd gamble the food money in order to save money for Serenity. Aww, so he wasn't a douche bag for once. But… it got too boring, so I deleted the whole thing. That's how it went though.
> 
> And… well, it's our time to say goodbye too. Tune in next time for the final chapter!


	25. Thank You For Playing!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is the end... dududu my only friend, the end.

**24\. Thank You For Playing**

"Got your deck back. A shame you never got to use it." B. was holding the Poker deck Kaiba had bought in his world. "Mokuba gave me the number of the guy he had sold it to. Take it before Puppy gets here."

Kaiba took the deck back and put it in his pocket. "I assume you're not gonna tell him anything then."

B. frowned. "Ugh. I just finished patching things up between us. I don't think it would be wise to do so right now. Maybe… maybe when I'm on my deathbed… Though I'm pretty sure he has an idea something went on. I mean, it does seem like an obvious scheme if you think about it. Maybe I should say thanks that my Puppy can be a little too thick-headed sometimes…"

"Thick-headed, huh? For someone who outright called him dumb a few days ago, this seems like a nice change." On the inside, Kaiba agreed with the decision of not telling him; he'd probably never be forgiven. "Well, tell him or not; it's not like this is any of my business anyway."

"Right, not your business. Like you didn't go out of your way to help us." B. had the gall to roll his eyes.

Kaiba just pretended he didn't hear that. "Hmph. Take care of your brother."

"I will. What will you do with the Otherwordly… well, the dimension machine?"

Kaiba thought for a moment, while looking away. "I don't know. It's burned up. I think after this time it'll probably never work again."

B. smiled weakly. "I see. I guess we won't be seeing each other anymore."

"Well… it's probably for the best. Who's to say we're not destroying the space-time fabric with that thing? Next time, try to solve your problems in your own dimension."

"No moral lessons, grandpa. Do you wanna boringify the whole thing?"

"Whatever. If you ever show up in my world again, I'm shooting you on the spot."

"Yeah, yeah, I'll miss you too."

He was in doubt about his next move, but decided when he saw the Joeys coming in the distance. "In any case, keep this here. It used to be a holographic device I was working on, but I modified it a little. I checked those pages you saved from the Rooney book; while it couldn't help me build another machine, I might have made something else. Turn it on if you ever hear it beeping."

B. took the gadget and started to examine it. "Ooh, how exciting! Can't wait to see what it does."

When the Joeys arrived, they all shook hands, and Kaiba and Joey left to cross back outside of the mansion, like when they came.

"See ya, guys. Walk the line, B."

"Bye, outlanders. Don't get lost on the way."

And that's how they left.

Joey crossed his arms as he watched them disappear out the gates. "Why did he call you B.?"

B. tried his hardest not to look guilty. "Oh, uh… they wanted to know if I had a nickname, and that's what people called me when I was a kid." Well, it  _was_  the truth.

"B.? As is Bullshitter?"

"As in… let's go take a bath and I'll tell you all about it." B. passed an arm around Joey's neck.

"That sounds like a plan."

"I was thinking about your sister. If she wants to go back to living with you, why don't you just ask her to live here with us? The more new siblings, the merrier."

"Nah, she hates mansions and luxury."

"Seriously?"

"Duh, of course not. And don't you even think about putting the moves on her. She would probably castrate you before you even tried."

B.'s hands instinctively went straight to the family jewels. "Ouch… I'm only interested in one person anyway. Wait, did you just 'duh' me?"

Joey grabbed B.'s wrists suddenly, holding them tightly with a serious look. "Don't you do that no more, you hear me?"

B.'s smile was of the enigmatic variety. "Not while you're still around I won't."

"I'm serious, Kaiba! I catch you doing that again, I finish you off myself!"

"Yeah, yeah." He had important people to take care of now, maybe it was time to deal with his problems a different way.

oOo

"It was fun. Y'know, when B. wasn't sexually assaulting us. B. Huh, in the end I didn't find out what it stood for." As soon as they crossed back, Joey removed his wig while staring at the apparently dead gadget on Kaiba's hands.

Kaiba felt a sudden vague nostalgia. "Our last name…"

"What? What are you talking about? It's Kai-ba, not Bai-ka."

Kaiba rolled his eyes. "You dweeb. It was his… my… last name before Gozaburo came along."

Joey started to babble, unable to control himself. "Oh of course you're right I completely forgot I can't believe I never asked sorry I really am curious now it hadn't crossed my mind I…"

Kaiba passed his arms around his neck. "You wanna know?"

"I… of course!"

"Before being Seto Kaiba, I was..."

Kaiba whispered the name in his ear, and Joey's eyes widened.

"Oh, wow… er… you can call me a kiss-ass but uh… I think it fits you like a glove."

Kaiba kissed him before they entered the house. "You  _would_  like to kiss my ass, wouldn't you? God, Wheeler. You and your weird fetishes."

"Agh, son of a—"

"Guys, you're back! Big brother, I'm dying here. Please tell me everything!"

So it was this Mokuba's turn to hear (the PG-13 version of) the story.

"Any questions?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Hmm… just one. Are you and Joey going out now?"

"Well… I think we should talk first, then we'll let you know. Come, Mr. Fudo. Let's have that little chat."

Joey gulped, not sure of what to expect. "Er… sure, Kiryu."

oOo

He should have expected a hot tub, because that's where they were right now, coincidentally, just like their counterparts.

Joey leaned back against Kaiba, who poured a very nice-smelling soap on his chest, and then started to lather and massage him. He felt a tongue on his ear.

"Would you like to talk, Mr. Fudo?"

"I, uh… sure, let's talk… ah… Kiryu…"

Kaiba bit Joey's neck, while his hands descended to rub his legs. "What do you want me to say?"

"Oh no, we're not doing that again. Last time it was torture."

"Oh, so your body isn't shy anymore but your mind is. Fine, I won't say anything then." He continued rubbing Joey's legs, patiently teasing him.

"Well, it don't have to be like that. You know what I want you to say. But…"

"But?" He had poured shampoo on Joey's head and now was making a foamy mess on his hair.

"I'm not gonna… I'm not gonna force you or anything. Sure, nothing would make me happier than hear you say you feel the same way I do, but if you don't—"

"I feel the same way you do. See? Wasn't that easy?"

"I… what? Y-you said it, just like that…?" Joey tried to turn around, but Kaiba kept him in place.

"I'm not afraid of anything, Wheeler. Maybe… maybe I was a bit wary at first, but… someone helped out a little. Just a little bit."

Joey's heart was racing like mad. "B.? Who'd think he'd help at something like this…"

"Hn. Don't praise him too much. If you heard his advices, you'd probably lynch him."

"I… let me turn around!"

"Can't you wait a little? I'm washing your hair."

"Screw my hair, I wanna kiss you!" As soon as he finished speaking, Kaiba pushed him so he could dunk his head underwater.

"Your roots are showing."

"What? Fuck off, I don't dye!"

"Well, the carpets certainly don't match the drapes." He dunked Joey again.

"Hey! Stop trying to kill me, I'm still basking here!" He managed to turn around finally and kiss him passionately.

Kaiba's hands slid over his back, reaching his butt. "Hey, what do you know; your ass is pretty great too." Before Joey could respond, he got up, with him still clinging to his neck. "C'mon, I think we stayed long enough to disinfect ourselves from that stupid world." He grabbed Joey's thighs, as Joey crossed his legs around him, and walked to the bed. They fell on it, kissing like they were starved for one another.

"So, no towels? The bed's gonna get all wet."

"Fuck the bed. Ah... never mind." Kaiba didn't waste any time with teasing now, since he too was on the edge. He messed around the nightstand and came up with a hand lotion. "This'll have to do. I promise I'll be more prepared next time."

"Ah… uh-huh."

He kissed Joey's chest while opening the flask of lotion. "Don't be nervous. Have I done something wrong up until now?"

"Well, no. But this is kind of a bigger deal."

Kaiba poured some lotion on his fingers. "Relax. I excel at everything I do, even if I'm doing it for the first time."

"Oh, so I guess I'll just have to trust your overconfidence and everything will be fine, huh?"

"You can do that. Or you can trust my tongue also." He pulled himself down, and in the next instant his lips closed around Joey. While he sucked, his clean hand grabbed one of Joey's thighs and pushed his leg against him. "Hold this please."

Joey didn't even have a mind to say anything by then. He held his leg, focusing on how good Kaiba's mouth felt on him. When he felt a slick finger intruding him, he was more shocked with the fact that it didn't hurt as much as he thought it would than with the actual act.

Then he forgot all about hurting because it only felt good. So maybe Kaiba wasn't lying about how he was good at everything he did.

Joey moaned relatively loudly. "K-Kaiba, are your walls soundproof?"

"Actually I never tested it before. Care to find out? Just try not to scar my brother for life."

"Ah… I'll… I'll try to be quiet."

But he was finding it hard to keep his word as a moan escaped his lips between a pained grunt. Kaiba must have probably put another finger because it hurt again, but he was too horny to care. His hands grabbed the sheets while he tried to overcome that feeling. Again, it didn't take long. His heart was speeding and his jaw tingling from breathing too fast.

"K-Kai—"

"I think that's enough."

"Holy fuck, you  _are_  cruel!"

"What? I wanna have some fun too." He wiped his fingers on the sheets and positioned himself on top of Joey. "Not that sucking and fingering you wasn't fun."

Joey's face was already red, but he still managed to blush and smile impishly. "You talk dirty."

Kaiba kissed him softly. "Not really, but I do say what's on my mind. Put your arms around me."

He put his arms  _and_  legs around him, and Kaiba entered him slowly. Joey's short fingernails dug in his neck, as he fought not to cry out. Kaiba whispered in his ear about how good it felt to be inside him, and other little clichés that were nothing but truth. Soon, his fingernails loosened from Kaiba's neck and he searched him for a kiss.

"You know, this is all your fault. If you hadn't confessed to me back then, this wouldn't be happening." Kaiba's voice was pretty composed, but he was having a hard time keeping it that way.

"I… I don't see you complaining. Besides, it's not 'my fault'; it's 'thanks to me'."

"I love it when you're a smartass."

Joey's eyes showed Kaiba exactly what  _he_  loved, as he pulled him to a slow yet hard kiss, which he had to soon interrupt and throw his head back, awestruck with the sudden over-the top wave of pleasure that hit him. His hips pushed against Kaiba, trying to get more of that exquisite feeling.

Kaiba moved like he had done this a hundred times before. At least that's what Joey thought. Not that he had any base to compare, but he was pretty sure first times weren't supposed to go this smoothly. Kaiba held himself over him, while his other hand caressed his face, as he thrust in him fluidly.

"You're... ah... you're good at this."

"Told you so." He reached his hand down to stroke Joey, thrilled with the sounds he was making and the nails digging into his back. Before he knew it, possessiveness took the better of him and he was sucking on Joey's neck strong enough to leave a considerably large hickey over the small one that was already fading.

"Damn… the guys will never let me hear the end of that. I'll get you back, you know."

"Be my guest. My regular choice of garment will hide it anyway."

"Shit, there's no winning with you is there." Truthfully, he didn't mind one bit carrying around a mark that would show everyone he was Kaiba's. Sure, his friends would probably pass out on their feet when they heard about it, but he knew they'd be happy for him. "Fine, since no one will see it anyway, maybe I'll do more than just a hickey." Saying that, he scratched Kaiba's back from top to bottom.

"Ah… fuck…" He started thrusting harder into Joey. Between lewd moans, Joey squeezed an apology and started lowering his arms from Kaiba's back.

"Don't be fucking sorry. I didn't tell you to stop."

Oh. Well. That was interesting. So Joey kept scratching, wondering when he had gone from dog to cat.

"Are you close?" Kaiba stroked Joey fast, faster than his thrusts, and Joey's only answer was a prolonged moan that sounded like  _uh-huh_. "Good." He breathed deeply, shuddering as he exhaled, and that sight was too much for Joey.

He didn't know how loud he screamed his name as he came, but as he was about to do it again, Kaiba's tongue was in his mouth, shutting him up, so it had probably been really loud.

Then Kaiba stopped the kiss and rested his forehead on Joey's as he thrust deeper one last time. As he relaxed, this would be the part where he said something quirky or sassy, but the only thing he did was kiss Joey.

On the cheek.

For all the romantics out there, it could be said Joey took that blissful moment to think about how much he loved Kaiba, but truth be told, there was only one thing in his mind right now.

_I just had sex..._

And he was never going back to the not-having-sex ways of the past.

oOo

**_A few months later_ **

"Is it finished?" Joey grabbed a little device that was strangely similar to the holoprojectors from a certain series of sci-fi movies. Though it probably worked differently.

"I think so. Your wig is crooked."

"Heh, never thought I'd use the ol' crab hair again." He fixed the wig and grabbed a pair of blue sunglasses from a table. "Put on your sunglasses."

"They don't really make any difference, you know."

"Yeah, but you look really hot in them. Well, not that you're not hot without them. Agh, you know what I mean."

"Alright, alright. Let's test this then." Kaiba pressed a button but nothing happened.

"B.? Are you there?"

"Give it time. Who knows what they're—"

A voice was heard from the gadget. "It beeped! Puppy, put your clothes on! I think we've got a call!"

**The end**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ta-dah! I can't believe it's really over. I thought it was never going to end... by the way, this is totally not what I had in mind when I thought about writing something with Joey and two Kaibas... I wonder if I'll get back to the original idea someday (you can guess, it was juuust a little... kinkier~).
> 
> Are there plot-holes? Probably, that's what I get for not having a beta, especially on a story this size. If you find some, please ask away and I'll try to answer as best as I can.
> 
> And I have no idea what B. will tell him about the uh, communication (is it holographic? I don't even know) thingie…
> 
> The thing with Joey holding B.'s wrists at the end... I had written more about it actually (it does make a "blink and you'll miss" appearance in _Cat's Cradle_ ) there was something about his past struggles with depression, and about how Joey fell in love with him, but... it didn't really go anywhere, and I think everyone was tired of the AU guys anyway. I could come up with a few drabbles, though not much more than that.
> 
> I seem to be forgetting something… Oh, right. The name I came up with for Kaiba before he was Kaiba. I ended up not putting it on the story because I felt it was too intrusive to do something like that (sure, having them boning each other is A-Okay, but a made-up name is Serious Business). I don't know, anything that's never outright stated in the anime is fair game I guess, but somehow I couldn't. I don't know if it's actually used as a name by anyone, since I've never seen it, it's just a word I think about whenever I think of Seto Kaiba: **万全**
> 
> I don't know if the kanji is gonna show up here or it'll be just a bunch of squares, but the name/word is **Banzen**. It means... Perfection. There. _That's_ what B. stands for. Not too shabby, huh Kaiba-sama?
> 
> The alternate title for this chapter was _Return From the Different Dimension_ , because references to the card game are never enough (and it's a Kaiba card). But I just love it when I see _Thank You For Playing_ or a variation of it at the end of a video game.
> 
> So...
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
>  
> 
> **~Omake~**
> 
>  
> 
> The whole gang sat around a bonfire to celebrate Halloween.
> 
> Joey: …That's when the babysitter got a call from the kids' mom, asking if everything was okay. She said that everything was fine, but that angel statue was really freaking her out. She asked if she couldn't put a blanket on it or something. The mom got silent for a moment, but then she spoke as fast as she could: "Take the kids and get out of the house! We don't have an angel statue!" When the cops got there, they found nobody. No kids, no babysitter, no statue.
> 
> Yugi: Ugh, that was so creepy, Joey! I got goose-bumps!
> 
> Tristan: Then who was phone?
> 
> Téa: That's a different story, you dork.
> 
> Kaiba: Oh yeah? You wanna hear a really creepy story? We went to a world where Duel Monsters didn't exist.
> 
> They all screamed.
> 
> .
> 
> ..
> 
> ...
> 
> ...
> 
> ...¬¬v
> 
> (and holy shit who ends a smut scene with a Lonely Island quote? me that's who)
> 
> Joey: Doesn't matter, had sex.
> 
> [Joey and Kaiba will return in... something much hotter hohohoh wait for it!]
> 
> (and follow me on tumblr, konoyaro! i'm leviphiliac)


End file.
